3.5 months out...

Hey guys...thought I'd catch up.

Interesting times.  Today I reached a goal.  Not a goal I set with the surgery.  This was a goal I set back when.  Back when I thought I didn't have any other way. Back when I thought that today's weight would (maybe if I was lucky) be the lowest I could ever hope to see again at my age.  Of course when I set that goal...many years ago... I weighed a significant amount LESS than I weighed when I started this journey.  62 pounds lost today.  And you know what?  I still have 25 more to go...and I believe it can happen!  I think that may be one of the best things about my sleeve.  It's given me hope back that I can achieve a healthy weight.   After all, I'm technically still obese...and this was the best I could hope for?  Silly me.

Other things...life does teach one not to get too cocky... I tried some ginger ale yesterday.  You know, gotta push those boundaries to see what still applies...  it seemed to go fine...until about 1 am when it decided to return as pure acid that creeped back up my throat...oh I believe them now...NO SODA!  Didn't need it any way but I get it! Thanks!

My face is starting to get the drawn look just a bit...but no worries it will shift around and fill back in...see the above adjective if there is any doubt in the need to continue to lose.  I was pretty excited to get into new pants that are 5 sizes smaller than I started...not gonna lie :)

I don't really have a size goal...where ever I end up when I hit the weight goal will have to do... I have been extremely lazy with the holidays here...need to get moving again.  Would love to think that it will stay warm but this is Maine so I won't hold onto that dream...

How is everyone doing?  No great and awesome resolves about weight or exercise for me...it's just to keep taking small steps and continue to drink water...after all, it's working! ;)

Happy Holidays everyone! Thanks for coming along.

~Mikki

so maybe I will brag a little.... :)

Just a quick note to tell you guys how my 3 month post-op visit went....yeah... I rocked it! Whoot!

Dr. Trieu told me I was awesome!  I've lost 53% of my excess body fat...that's what he usually sees by 6 months out (maybe)!!  For 3 months out...well, let's just say I put a pretty good smile on his face!!  :)

He did yell at me about not taking any calcium so I'm back to the tums, but I don't have to take the Omeprazole any more unless I develop heartburn, started a new vitamin too that I don't have to chew but has iron(cause that's the only thing that came back a little low) ... and my next 3 month blood draw he's only asking for half the stuff because my cholesterol and blood sugar is great.

Just gotta say it! I love my sleeve!

Thanks for checking in! :)

~Mikki

so close...

Good morning guys and gals!  How have you been?  Keeping hydrated?  How has the winter effected your movements?  Still going? Give yourselves a pat on the back!  A bit stalled? Yeah, me too...but it's what we do next that matters!

My hubby bought me a wii.  "Didn't you already have a wii?" you ask me.  Yes, Yes we did but the baby took it with her to college so Jay found one on ebay and now I'll be able to hook up the wii fit again...I haven't used it in years...wish me luck!

So, the title?  I am soooo close!  Close to being 3 months out...and only 1 (ONE!) bmi point away from leaving obesity.   I will only be overweight!! Holy Hallelujah!!  

We had our office end of year celebration dinner last night.  It was a wonderful restaurant and we had a sit down 5 course meal. You may think this was awful, but it was really wonderful!  First the most important thing...I haven't been on here to tell you...but wine goes down fine!  I know everyone was waiting to find that out! ;)
So I had about a glass and a half prior to the meal.  What did I order?
I had a stuffed mushroom...yeah...I had one and Jay ate one and they boxed the rest
I skipped the salad
I had prime rib (medium rare) with roasted potatoes and it came with squash and carrots...I had a little over 2ounces of prime rib and 1 chunk of the potato and a couple small bites of squash.
Dessert? I chose the apple turnover with cream... I had 2-3 small bites... I was a little too full but not too bad. Certainly not "the stuck" feeling I get from chicken.
I have the whole meal again boxed up for today! :)

The really best part? When I stepped on the scale this morning...I'm down 2.5 lbs!! That's not over night, it had been a couple of days since I weighed, but still I'm pretty happy!

I love my sleeve! Have I mentioned this before?  OH, and scrolling through pictures that people posted from last night? I noticed myself standing in the background of one and thought "wow, I look like me"... you know...the one I talked about seeing in my head?  Yeah, that one.

I know that at least a couple of you have thought about this surgery...one of you I know is scheduled and I am super excited for you!...I would never recommend to someone that they need surgery...only you and a doctor can come to that decision...but honestly, I can say I am so happy that I did this for me.  I know a lot of people don't want to tell anyone how they lost weight...I can't wait to share it with people...funny isn't it? How different everyone is.   Here we are 3 months out...remember how scary it was doing the research?  Every thing worth while has some risk to it either emotionally or physically...that's why it's important to us.  Keep taking those small steps people! WE ARE WINNING!! ;)

Thanks for staying with me!  xoxo
~Mikki

NSV...oh...and some scale stuff too...

Hey Guys!  I hope everyone is doing great!  It's almost the end of November! How crazy is that??  I can't believe I started this whole journey back in April...this year has flown by!

This week I want to look at something sleevers call NSV (non scale victories).  I know I have mentioned some of these along the way...being able to breath easier...able to bend over and tie my shoes without passing out...those kind of things...but...

I reached a milestone today...that's right...I finally hit 50lbs lost!  I know, your thinking "you just said non scale" but that made me think about the things that are better...

I bought a new belt...and it's only got one hole left to go already...
I bought new pants...and while they do fit, they are already getting roomier....
when I went to the hot tub I realized my swimsuit is huge on me....
I wore heels to work again!!
Also,  I bought a new bra for $14.99!!!!  Now some of you may not know how exciting that is, but let me tell you...for us bigger girls that's a freakin deal right there!!!

I've lost 6 inches off my waist and 6 inches off my hips.
My husband says he can actually put his arm around me when we're walking now.
My daughter's friend said she hardly recognized me!
I can fit into my leather coat again.
but...
by far...
the most awesome NSV came Sunday morning...
When a lady that has been following my progress messaged me to say she got her approval letter from the insurance company and she will be having her surgery the middle of January!!! How amazing is that?

I am so grateful for all the supportive people in my life that have helped me and motivated me along the way.  I am grateful to my bosses for providing insurance (especially since a bill came in today and the pharmacy billed them $27,689.50). Yeah, that was just labeled pharmacy!  I am grateful to my mom and dad for encouraging me to do this and believing I could. I am grateful to my husband and children who have never doubted me.

I am very aware that many people have to try and do this on their own.  I hope this blog can offer them a bit of sunshine along the way to show them all the rewards that come with the work.  50lbs!  In 7 months I have lost a good size child.  Only 37 more lbs to goal.  I love to think I can do that by my trip to Florida in May...we'll see... one step at a time, right??

thanks for sticking with me!

~Mikki

2 months...

Hey all! Believe it or not it's been 2 months! Here is where I need you to help remind me that I'm gonna be happy with where I am...

Lost 8lbs this month.  That makes 25 lbs since surgery.  That makes 48 lb since the end of April.  As my husband mentioned...that's almost 2 twenty-five pound bags of dog food that I've lost!

Do I still hesitate when someone says "how much have you lost now?"  Yes, sadly I do.  It doesn't seem like it goes down that quickly now...wait...who am I kidding?  I have lost 48lbs in 6.5 months. Yeah!!
I have lost 25 lbs in two months!
I have lost 8 lbs in the last month!
If I lost 8 lbs for the next 6 months I would lose another 48 lbs!!  I only have 39 lbs left to lose!!!

I refuse to believe that I'm not doing a good enough job.  I am feeling and looking better.  I am not gaining weight.  I am getting healthy.  I am looking at food differently:

 Can you see that little square missing?? Yeah, that was my dinner...and you know what?  I am full!! FULL!!  WHOOOHOOO!!! Full! On that little bit!  I love my sleeve!

Tony (the trainer) accused me of being too hard on myself...I promised at the beginning of this that I would keep it real.

I've started a check list to keep track of the various things I need to do now...protein, water, vitamin, and different exercises...it's good to see the pattern of so many days per week. One of the biggest things we need to succeed is to vary what we do.  Visuals are really helpful.  How do you keep track?  Are you just guestimating?  Try writing it down for a few weeks and see how it comes out.  It may make you feel better to realize where you are at....or it might make you realize you're full of ...excuses....

It's just little steps. Nothing needs to be crazy... we're trying to get healthy, not drive ourselves crazy. Keep on keeping on people!  And thanks for staying with me!

~Mikki

A Sunday edition...

Good morning Peeps! I hope everyone is safe and warm.  As I watch the snow come down outside I realize it's been awhile since I posted.

It's a little over a month and a half since surgery...time does fly, doesn't it?  So where am I?

Well, I've lost 22lbs since surgery and 46lbs in total.  How is the process going? That is day to day.  Last night I got the foamies.  I'd read about them, but never had them before.  I really would rather not have them again.  The "foamies" are when you eat too fast or don't chew small enough.  It causes that "stuck" feeling that is quite painful and by painful, I mean I actually tried to throw up...you all know how I feel about that.  What actually comes up is a white foamy mess.  Fortunately, because we're talking such small amounts of food it doesn't take too much to relieve the pressure but it was not a fun 15 minutes or so.

Goals! *remember to weigh all food.  *remember to chew slowly and completely.

I actually did weigh out the 2.5 oz of pot roast so I'm thinking it was just too fast.  I've got to remember that even though things feel great, it hasn't been that long since I had pretty significant surgery.

But enough of the yucky... I know you're waiting to hear about the trip to the trainer, right?  :)

Well, Thursday wasn't spectacular morning.  I was up most of the night.  Losing this weight this quickly causes a major hormone shift...you do have some issues with bowel and menstrual cycles being kind of crazy...just a fyi...but I checked and found out it would be into January if I rescheduled with Tony so I ended up going to the appointment.

He was, of course, very nice.  We talked a lot about goals and what I'm hoping to achieve.  He was pleased that my biggest goal going into the surgery was health.  He said many people go into it for aesthetics only and that limits their participation and long term success.   He showed me form and we went through a few exercises.  He gave me some homework...

All of the exercises he's teaching me can be done once we're on the road with very little equipment.  He's also teaching me how to add to them as I go...because...there is really no such thing as just toning...you are either building muscle or destroying it.  Did you know that?  Our bodies would much rather eat muscle...so any that they think we are not going to be using they start to break down.  They won't go into our "rainy day fat storage" until we show them that we need to use all the muscle we have.  It's why we need to focus on changing up our workouts and not getting stuck doing one thing.  Have you even noticed how lean runners can be?  Running is great exercise, but if all you do is run then your body will break down the muscles that you don't need to do that.  So the rule for me is to rotate these exercises - don't do them all the same day- and once I get so I can do them with ease, I need to change them up to make it more difficult. Either add more reps or more resistance.

He gave me this new resistance band and it can be used with a door nob, another person or a tree...basically anywhere.  He's worked with me a lot on breaking old habits.  The way we sit down or stand up...the way we tilt our pelvis or lift our knees...how we hold our shoulders when we pull or push...

He also has this machine that weighs lean mass...Because our body likes to break down muscle first, he wants to keep track of how much of that I'm losing vs fat.  I have about (it's not perfect) 102 lbs of lean tissue.  That means I still have wayyyyy too much non lean stuff going on!  But, now that he knows that, he can measure when I go in to see if my exercise has helped save the muscle and focused on just getting rid of the fat  plump. ;)

So much to learn, right?  I go back and see him on the 12th.  We'll see how far I've got in a couple of weeks.  Always something new ;)

That's what's going on folks. I hope you're hydrated and getting your protein.  Do not let one thing fade because you pick up something else.  It's all important, right?

Thanks for staying with me!
~Mikki

hmmmm....should have kept my mouth shut...

Hello everyone!  I promised I'd let you know how the Nut visit went.  Well it went great!! Really great!

She is not worried about my liquid intake...just wants me to focus on the protein and getting my vitamin in.  She was super impressed with the progress I've made.  In fact when we were talking about goals and everything I mentioned that I was looking forward to trying some wine in a couple months...she said "well, you're doing well enough to try that I think"... :-)...

...I said "really? At only about 5 weeks out?"  and she said "OMG!  You're doing so great, I was thinking you were 3 months out!"  "No, you should definitely wait to try that."     ahhhhhhh!!! So close!!  ;)

The good news is I can start bringing in more veggies and fruit.  She even said I could try lettuce and spinach...so I can try out a yummy chopped salad from Subway soon! :)

I don't see her again until the end of January...she will stay with me until I hit goal though so we'll see how long that takes.  Next week I get to have a session with the trainer...eek!  I hope I can manage to do as well in that...a bit worried there though! LOL

I hope all is good with you!  Are you drinking your water?  Are you moving?  Are you happy?  Are you having wine?  (Inquiring minds want to know!)  Have a glass for me!!

:)
Thanks for staying with me!
~Mikki

-17 lbs first month...

Hello Peeps!  So I'm more than a month out now...down more than 42 lbs overall.  :)  Can't really complain about that!

So, how are things going? Well, let's start off with some things that I'm happy about...first, I can chew gum.  I know I wasn't supposed to...(I'm such a rebel)...but when I asked why it was about air in the stomach so I took a chance... no problem. :)  Second, I can drink through a straw...(again that rebel thing)...and thank goodness for that cause those protein shakes are getting hard to get down.  I tried this out of a bit of desperation and have to say it helps  a LOT!

People at work are telling me that they can really start to see a difference now, of course they all know what I've gone through so they might just be being nice LOL, but today a rep came in that I haven't seen for about a year...she asked me what I'd done to my hair...I said nothing...she said well, there's really something different about your face!  I said yeah, I've lost 40lbs!  She was like OMG! I guess that would do it! HAHA!  She started to say how that was great and asked me what I was doing...I told her I'd had surgery...it was amazing to me how uncomfortable this made her...she wasn't sure what to say so she just said "well, I'm sure you must be feeling great" which was really an excellent thing to say, because, yes. Yes, I am.

So what you might ask is not going great?  Well, I have noticed a pattern,,, on the days that I get all my protein in, I don't seem to be able to hit my goal for water...on the days I get on my water in? Yeah, I don't hit my protein goal...odd but true.  I'm trying to at least alternate them somewhat so I don't go too long without either but I know I need to get better.  The real issue is to get in the protein I need to have a shake.  When I have a shake I don't feel like drinking.  I just can't eat enough yet to get my protein in without that supplement.   But hey, there are worse things.  It will come.

I've been trying out different things.  One of them is the fresh jerky my husband bought me...that' pretty tasty...and the other is pork rinds...

Now, you ask why pork rinds?  Well it turns out that these little snackers are about all protein...they only problem with them is that I know they are all protein because I know what they are made of...it really does not do the appetite a good turn.  Now, they are not terrible...and I have to say the salt and vinegar ones are superior to the plain ones...but they are not chips.  Can I say that again?  They are not chips.

They do help out a bit when a craving hits though...and since I can only eat like 3 I can usually do that without thinking too hard about what they are made of.

Wednesday I go to my first post op nutrition visit!  It will be interesting to see what Elizabeth has to say about how I'm doing.

I am almost half way to goal! That's exciting!  Only two more months until I can have a glass of wine.  That's pretty exciting too!!  I'm not really having any issues with reflux...never really did so I'm not surprised...I do take the RX Dr. Trieu gave me for it because I don't want acid to effect the healing.  I have a harder time remembering the vitamin...ugh!

I can see walking is going to start to be a challenge...I just about froze my fingers off tonight...guess I will have to start using the gazelle now that it's getting cold.   I'm still loving my fitbit because it gives me direction about where I am in the day for activity.

I really don't have any complaints about my surgery.  Everything is healing well that I can see and feel.  I still can't eat much chicken...like half of what I can eat of anything else or it hurts...that just might be off the table for me for awhile...but all other meats seem to go great.  I can do about 1.5 - 2 ounces of beef or pork pretty comfortably.  I tried some rice pudding and have to say that could be very dangerous...I only had about 3 ounces for a serving, but it lies very comfy and gives not issues...except of course it's calories! :)  It is nice to know that there are still treats I can have though.

I know many people believe you have to be completely true and strict until you get to the maintenance stage (and that is wonderful for them)...well, I didn't have this done with that in mind.  It wasn't what I ate that made me fat...don't get me wrong, it didn't help...but it was the AMOUNT I ate that made me fat.  Am I still staying away from pasta and bread? Yes...am I still avoiding chips?  Sadly, Yes.  But, I still plan to have a glass of wine (once I can) and a 1/2 cup of ice cream at some point.   I just have to really learn to get my protein in first so that my body has the appropriate fuel to create muscle so it can burn said treats.   It's all coming together slowly. :)  I'll let you know how Wednesday goes.

Keep hydrating people...just cause it's cooler doesn't mean your body doesn't need it still.  And keep moving...even if you can't get outside, spend some time doing an activity inside.  All movement is good! Remember! Small steps!

Thanks for staying with me!
~Mikki

re-learning how to eat...

Hi Guys!

I'm sorry, I know I haven't been keeping up very well.  I'll try to be better!  So, I'm 3- almost 4 weeks post op now.  What's going on?

Well, this was a tough week.  Healing is really going on which means that nerve endings are starting to repair...that means?? I'm starting to feel things I didn't before.  Yeah, every time I get a little cocky thinking I've got this down, reality comes along to remind me to be humble.  Let's see...I know I told you the weight was stalled...part of that was probably constipation...too much info? Well, sadly in this world it seems to be a big deal.  I took some miralax and started adding benefiber to my shakes.  I was doing ok until Tuesday morning.  I don't know what happened. I was minding my own business at work when...BAM! I started having awful cramps...headed to the bathroom...had to throw up which we all know I do NOT like...and was stuck on the toilette for awhile...came home from work early and headed right back into the bathroom...alternated between there and the bedroom for a couple days.  The good news?  Oh, the scale started moving again! :) I've lost 15lbs since surgery and 39 lbs since April.  I really don't know if it was a touch of the flu or just things adjusting to their new layout.  By Friday I was feeling much better.

So, how is the eating going?  That's a tough question to answer.  It really depends on what I'm eating, how much I can eat.  Isn't that weird?  It's kind of scary too because right now it's hard to know and I've made myself miserable a few times.  As close as I can tell, chicken is a bit evil for me.  It goes down easy and feels like it's doing well but then all of a sudden about 20 minutes later it makes my belly hurt.  Bison (chili), hamburger(shepherd's pie), and turkey sausage (with egg) seem to be much more reasonable at this point.  I can usually eat about 3-4 oz of food at a sitting.  But if I try that with chicken I am completely miserable.  Two oz is about max and even then I'm not sure if it's gonna go down comfy.

OMG! I finally found out what it feels like to forget to eat!  Can you believe it?  Last Saturday I had half an egg and half a turkey sausage link for breakfast...then I did some stuff...Jay came home from work and we went for a walk...at some point I felt kind of peckish and looked at the clock...3:30pm!!  I hadn't remembered to eat anything else since breakfast!!  I've read about this but never...NEVER!... expected it to happen to me! It's actually not a good thing right now while I'm trying to get all my protein in, but wow! Totally crazy experience not to feel hungry!!

I love my sleeve!! I love my sleeve!!

I've gone down a pant size.  It's not perfect yet, but looks much better than the bagging of the old size.   I have been told the weight loss is really getting noticeable now.   My hubby tells me daily that he is proud of me...which is wonderful to hear of course...I came home yesterday to a package he sent me.  It had some lovely expensive perfume and a few other treats in it...I asked what it was for and he said that I was looking so good I needed a treat! ;)  Guess he has still decided to spoil me, it's just not with food any more. ;)

I haven't been shopping yet...I'm just digging things out of my closet that I haven't been able to wear in awhile...and by awhile I mean a couple of years.  I can wear my mother's ring again!!  I'm going to need my other rings re-sized at some point, but I'll wait til I get closer to goal.  I am 4 lbs away from being half way to goal.  I like to break it down...that sounds much easier than saying I still have 48 lbs to lose! ;)

It actually is starting to feel like a real possibility though. When you think about needing to lose a large quantity of weight...almost 90 lbs for me...and I'm considered a "lightweight" in the WLS world...it seems so overwhelming that it's easy to see why people just give up.  I am so thankful that I found the program I did.  That they helped me to start dealing with with food in real ways months before I went through the surgery.  Just think! I'm not quite even a month out and I'm almost half way to goal!  When people say "don't you think you could have done this  yourself?"  NO.  I know now that I could not have.  I would never have thought of food as a fuel source.  I would never have stopped being hungry after only a few ounces of food.  I would never have been able to break it down and understand that the fat was ruling me.  Does this have it's challenges?  YES.  I have no idea what is going on with my menstrual cycle.,,it changes it's mind daily as the hormones are released from the fat loss...my stomach actually has hurt...really hurt a couple times this week...I am tired a lot more...I need to make sure I build in time for exercise every day...I will never again eat a giant plateful of my favorite food...
But, think of it this way... I will never again be able to eat a giant plateful of my favorite food.  :)

Thanks for sticking with me!

~Mikki

2 week post op....

Can you say puree baby?? Yep, we're at stage 3.

Went to my follow up doctor appointment and everything is great!  They have me down 19 lbs since the 3rd of the month (when I went on fluids). I'll take it!

I made a ricotta bake for my first mushy food...yummmy!! I can eat about 2 ounces of it.  LOL  That's right...it makes me soooooo full!  Even Dr Trieu was amazed the restriction was working that well so soon. ;)   My incisions are healing nicely...no more bandages or packing gauze...AND I can exercise to whatever my comfort level is...well, hopefully beyond my comfort level to get some changes going on.  ;)

Yes, that is a regular teaspoon you see in that cup. And that is as much as I can eat at one time. :)

I haven't seen a big drop this week in weight, BUT I have noticed some changes in measurements...as in I lost a half inch off my neck...I literally lost a chin!  I also lost 1.5 inches off my waist!! whoot!  I'm averaging between 375 and 450 a day for calories...but you ask, how is the protein and water going?  Well, protein is not too bad...I'm getting between 50 and 60g a day...however, water is still a struggle...I was explaining it today...you see I used to be hungry all the time...I'd be hungry and I'd tell myself...drink some water.  I was getting in over 100 oz easy...but now...I have no hunger...or at least not very often.  I have nothing to prompt me...I have to REMEMBER to drink! ugh!  So I've only been averaging about 64 oz.  That's not terrible, but it's not great either.  Another goal to work on.

Jay has been keeping me company the last couple nights on my walks and that is much more fun.  I can tell I'm not as hydrated because I'm not in a rush to get to the bathroom half way through!! ;p

I just started taking some vitamins...we'll see how that goes...so two to four weeks of mushy foods or until I can get at least half of my protein in from solids.  It will be a process given I can only eat such a small amount...but Dr. Trieu told me today if I need to do 5 or 6 small meals to do it he would much rather I do that then push the sleeve so we'll see!

How are you all doing?? Getting your water? How about some exercise?  It's starting to get colder, is that effecting your exercise?? How about the dark? I'm not liking that!!  Hoping that your week goes well!

Thanks for staying with me!

~Mikki

A week out...

Soooo....it's been a week since surgery and where am I?  Well, I'm down 11 lbs in that much time so that's great.,..that means I've lost 35 lbs since starting this!  People are starting to say they can see the difference in my face. :)  What? No more play-do face?   The hubby says he can feel the difference in the boobs and ass...and let's face it that will help my health even more than my face!

So down side?  Well, as I mentioned on Friday it has been really hard getting 60 g of protein and a minimum of 64 oz of water in.  Sunday was the first day I made those numbers and of course it caught up with me.  Sunday was my worst day.  Coming home from the hospital I was rolling along on the IVs that they pumped into me. I felt great for days.  Sunday...I just felt beat.  I was cold and tired.  I really pushed through trying to get all those fluids in.

Monday I had work for a half day.  I was still tired when I got up.  I thought I might pass out in the shower.  I had Jay come and get me after work because I didn't want to drive.  I came home and went to bed.  Got up around 5pm and felt soooo much better!  What changed?  I had the liquid and protein in me.  That's it.  I always drink better at work, as we know, and I figured out getting the half scoop of protein powder in the soups often enough... plus...I got to see the grandbabies...that always makes me feel better! ;)

I'm glad I had today off.  It let me get a good walk in (back up to 3 miles!) and get lots of rest!  Plus got to see the short people again! :)  Now if I can just keep this going through the next 3 work days all will be good! :)

Do I have any regrets?  Jay has asked me a couple times if I do.  No,  I don't.  I can eat about 3 ounces at a time.  Does food sound good? Yes.  Does food smell good? Yes.  Do I have an uncontrollable need to eat? NO.  After I have my 3 ounces. I am full.  Sooo full.  I'm pretty sure that I will eventually be able to eat almost anything and I will still only be able to eat a few bites.  I will enjoy those bites but I will then be full.  Can I get a hallelujah??  No, I don't have any regrets. :)
This is exactly what I wanted.

Thanks for staying with me...6 more days of liquids!

~Mikki

simply amazed

Hi guys.  I just ate breakfast.  Yep, all 2.5 oz of it.  HOLLA!!  You know that worry about not getting to drink right away?  Well, I know my meal was liquid, but I really could not drink another drop for at least a half hour! Holy Hanna!

Ok, for those of you who haven't been with me the whole time lets go back a bit....Monday, they took me back and had me change out of everything into one of their little gowns.  I got the sexy stockings and an IV.  They took blood, gave me a shot in my stomach, half a pill of Dramamine (that was gross) met the anesthesiologist and they let my family come back to see me for a bit.  Dr. Trieu came in and met the family.  He seemed all pumped to go.  They took my vitals for the first of a million times and got me one of those sweet blue hats to wear.  They gave me something that they said could just relax me or knock me out and wheeled me off...well, I must be a cheap date because about all I remember is rounding the corner,,

The next memory I have is of throwing up.  Of course there wasn't much, but I was going through the motions.  There were doctors and nurses around and finally they got me a med that helped hold back the nausea.  It took awhile I guess but I got there.  I don't remember much pain other than when I threw up.  I had a morphine drip that I could click but the nurses all commented that I didn't use it much.  Monday night into Tuesday morning the nausea came back...I thought it was because I wasn't keeping up with the pain so I tried clicking the morphine more...in hindsight, I think the morphine might have made the nausea worse.  The nurses were all very sweet to me and my only frustration was the foley catheter...it made me feel like I had to pee all the time!  Ok, so Tuesday morning the good news? that darn catheter came out!  The bad news? yeah dry heaving some more...more nausea meds to help with that.  Still not allowed to drink.

I think it was about 8am when then took me down for the sleeve x-ray.  I'd been walking some but they wheeled me down.  The x-ray machine was set up so I could just stand in front of it and see the computer screen as the image was taken. I took a sip of the liquid concoction they need to see go through...guess what??  yeah...that was not staying down..I actually heard the doctors watching the screen say "yeah, that's coming back up" while I was busy asking for a bucket.  Fortunately, they were able to get enough motion (up and down, I guess) that with the additional still shots they took Dr. Trieu was able to get a good look and he said the sleeve looked perfect!

Now, I could finally sip water...of course, when I did...yep, came right back up...but it got better.  They brought me broth and jello...the broth was good...jello was gross...I had broth and decaf tea for the rest of my meals.  They also were giving me antacid meds in my IV...you really don't want to lay down or it feels like a ton of acid hitting your stomach.  I got heparin through Wednesday as well,  The compression sleeves came off on Tuesday but the socks stayed on until my shower on Wednesday.  They put big pieces of plastic over my IV and my belly button to shower.. Dr. Trieu told me that he had put some gauze in there there would need to be repacked each time I change the bandage.  I think the nurse and I were expecting a much bigger piece but it was just a little thing. :)

I stopped throwing up by Wed morning and Dr. Trieu said that was very normal with a sleeve and he had expected it to be gone about 48 hours out.  So just like that!  I got the ok to go home!  ;)

Truthfully, Tuesday and Wednesday were mostly sleeping days.  I tried to walk some but I was really tired.  Thursday was a nice day.  I wanted to go for a ride in the sun...and I need to walk but be able to sit often...the best place?  The casino of course!! ;)  I even won $100!  I walked about a mile spending the afternoon there.  Got water to drink the whole time.  It's so weird not to think about food the whole time I was there.

Got home and made some protein soup and protein pudding.  Ate about 2.5 oz of soup and maybe 1 oz of pudding,..trying hard not to push the limits but it's very hard to adjust to how little I really need....and be FULL.

So maybe you noticed the one thing missing on Monday??  No one (that I saw) weighed me.  Of course I stepped on the scale before I left so I had a pre-surgery weight in my head.  Wednesday night I decided to step on our scale to see how much surgery weight I had gained...I mean they were pumping stuff into me for days...the fluid weight alone has got to be bad, right?  So I prepared myself for a gain......nope......I had lost a pound.  WOW.  So Thursday morning I stepped on again... I had lost another 1.5 lbs...as of this morning?  I've lost 6 lbs since Monday...that's right 29 lbs total since April!

It kind of floors me!  I know it happens fast but 6 lbs in 4 days! wow!  I could be in Onederland by this weekend!!  How amazing is that?? I could have dieted for months and not got here.  I have! LOL
I have not taken any pain med since I left the hospital...for one thing I got a taste of a liquid dose on Wednesday and let me tell you for as expensive as it is, they do not waste anything on taste!!
Jay bought me a great reading pillow that I sleep on to keep elevated and haven't had heartburn too bad...I will start those meds in a week or so.  9 days until my post op visit and I get cleared for pureed foods... I will say the only thing I've been craving is meat.  They said my blood work shows my iron level a little low so I guess that isn't a surprise.  I'll start vitamins at two weeks out too.

Water...this battle is starting over.  I got about 35oz in yesterday.  It's hard to get as much in when you need to drink slower.  BUT I will keep chipping away at it.  Gotta go walk....cause you know...little steps lead to big changes!!

Thanks for staying with me!

~ Mikki
.

this is definitely NOT the other side...yet...

Hi guys! Well, we did it! The big step...now it's getting through it and healing.

The pain is manageable...the pain wasn't really the problem.  It was the nausea...they had to try 3 types of nausea meds before they found one that worked.  In the meantime? Yeah I tried to throw up.  I do NOT like to throw up.  This is not today.  This is always.  It is my last recourse... I may have mentioned this before...and since I've had nothing but liquids for days?.... well, it was more just dry heaving.  Not a pleasant feeling when 80% of your stomach has been removed and you have a brand new staple line going the entire length of it.   That was the bad news.

The good news? The surgery went well.  I only have one little bandage over my belly button!!  Dr. Trieu said it went without a hitch.  I really don't have much pain (other than the dry heaving) of course that might be due to the morphine pump.  :)

The tag system that I thought was cool? well, it kept me in pre-op until recovery so I guess no one got to worry while I was in surgery. :)  The surgery was around a couple of hours...recovery not so quick.

Sorry if this is rambley...I'm on drugs you know... ;)

I have sexy compression socks on my legs and compression pumps there too that "massage" your leg to help prevent clots.  I did get two shots of heparin. One before surgery and one about 10 hours later. The catheter is the thing I dislike the most, but it will come out tomorrow morning.  My hands are too swollen to get my wedding band on, but my engagement ring is back where it belongs.

My throat feels like I am in the desert. I have a little sponge swob that I can wet and swirl around in my mouth.  It helps but not for long. Very glad I brought chap stick.   My daughter took pics of me...I said it was really sad that they make you come with no make up on so you look your worst! Oh well,  It's about getting healthy.

 I am so glad to be here and excited to move forward, but if anyone says that I chose "the easy way out" I may punch them in the throat. :)

This is gonna be short tonight guys.  Gotta head back to bed, but wanted to let everyone know I made it and how much I really appreciate all your support.

Thanks for following the ride.

~Mikki

"So Bring on the Rain"....

It's the last night with my "normal" stomach.  It's been almost 5 months since this little journey started...what have I learned?

Notables:

1. 22 lbs comes off a lot harder than it goes on.
2. I'm not really that much of a jello fan...
3. I'm going to make mistakes...and that's ok
4. I can now walk 3 miles without much of a problem, but if I want to walk much more than that I need to plan a route with a porta-potty.
5. I don't really care that much about bread, but 3 months later I still miss chips every single day.
6. I have wonderful, supportive friends and family which I love.
7. You can only prepare so much, and then you just gotta live it...
8. I am extremely grateful for the bariatric team I have, compared to some I've read about, I am lucky!
9. My thin, tan shorts are now baggy enough to not show the poke-a-dot undies under them.
10. oh! I now fit into the poke-a-dot undies! ;)
11. I moved into the middle line on my bra snaps.
12. I can bend down and tie my shoes without feeling like I'm going to pass out. ;)

I'm sure there are many, many more.  I may have mentioned some along the way.  :)

Going into tomorrow I really am excited to start this next new phase of my life. I don't think it's going to be easy...in fact, I'm pretty positive it's not.  This is not a magic bullet.  This will not changed head hunger.  This will not - by itself- change my attitude toward food.  I still have to do the work. Every day.

Every Single Day.

I think I'm ready.

Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war ('cause)

Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

cause you know me...

I'm not gonna let it get me down
I'm not gonna cry
And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight ('cause)

Tomorrow's another day
And I am not afraid
So bring on the rain 

I'll see you all on the other side!  Thanks for coming with me everyone! Your support is amazing! 

xoxo

~Mikki

only I can change Me...

Hi guys!! What's shaking?  Oh yeah, protein in my shakes!!  3 more day of this diet! Then 1 day of clear liquids....that's it people!! That's what's left!!  Holy Smokes! It's so close now you can see it!!  So for those of you that don't know, I had my pre-op visit today.  Well, holy cow did they take some blood!! LOL  I guess Dr. Trieu likes to be very thorough.  First they asked me a lot of questions.  Then they took urine.  They did a pregnancy test and urinalysis...then the request came through for all the other tests... the lady who was going to draw a couple tubes of blood in pre-op decided this was beyond what she was pre-pared to do and called the lab and blood bank ladies to come help.  So first they tapped an artery...that's where they took the blood from for my CO test.  (came back excellent by the way) And then they hit a vein for no less than at least 9 tubes!  I kind of lost track, but I know there were at least that many...see what happens when you throw a wrench into the works!

Ordinarily you have blood work done 2 weeks prior to surgery and then have a bit more done at pre-op; because we had to put a rush on everything to get in by the 15th Dr Trieu combined it all in this visit.  I tend to give blood takers a hard time...remember the scope IV incident?   But I have to say these people were both excellent.  No pain really and got it first try...I don't even think I'll bruise much. ;)

Days 5-8 haven't been too bad on the liquid diet.  I've settled into a pattern and I'm getting about 600 calories a day.  I have been avg 70g of protein and under 50g of carbs...so pretty much ideal for weight loss.  Oh...that reminds me... I got weighed today.  On the big scale.  She took off two pounds for clothes.  That number?  It's 21 lbs less than when I started this little trip in April!!!  21 lbs....that's freaking 84 sticks of butter!!!!  :)   It means I've lost 4 pounds in a week.  Ok, I can deal with the liquid thing a little better now. ;)

I didn't quite hit 10,000 steps tonight (9,369) but I have several times this week and I just hit the 250 mile trophy on my fitbit.  Yeah, you read that right...all those little steps have amounted to 250 miles!! Who'd have thought??

I stopped and filled the prescriptions that Dr. Trieu had given me for after the surgery.  The stomach one wasn't bad...with insurance it was about $4, the liquid pain med?....$93!!!!!!!!! OucH!

Had to wait in line at the bank tonight so I didn't get to the town office before they closed...why the town office you ask? Well, it turns out that the advaced Directive needs to be notarized.  So that's now on my list to do tomorrow.  As well as picking up more cheddar soup...oh! the trick to the soup?  Heat your water separately...while that is heating up put your soup powder in a bowl and add an ounce or so of tap water to stir in and make a paste.  Now, when you add your hot water it doesn't clump. ;)  It is actually about my favorite thing.  I think because so many of these weight loss things are sweet...I like something savory for a change.  The broth has been a nice snack too...it doesn't have much value, but it's warm and salty and fills you up a bit.  The sugar free jello and Popsicles are fun, but I don't know how filling they're gonna be on Sunday when I can only do clear liquids...pray for Jay that day. ;)  Hopefully I'll be so busy thinking about getting ready for the next day it will just fly by.  

Alana has promised to post updates for those of you that follow along on my facebook page.  I will take my laptop with me and try to blog Monday after surgery if all goes well.    Keep me in your prayers guys.  If all goes well, I'll be on the other side soon. :)

Remember to keep hydrating and Squeeze your Butt!!

Thanks for following along!
~Mikki

Mad dogs and Englishmen....

Up to this point I've been doing my walking on the road around the neighborhood.  It has up and down hills and I can't really measure but try to push myself a little further each day and I know when I check my fitbit that I've worked up to about 3 miles a day.

Today I had a hair appointment at 10:30 so I decided to try walking the rail trail.  I started out at noon.  Yup! right in the mid day sun!  I learned all kinds of new things.  The trail is not really as flat as I thought it was... it takes me much longer than I thought to get into my comfort zone when I'm walking....and I really don't like it when I can see the measurements!!   It seemed much longer...I had to tell myself to stop watching for the  mile markers and just relax and enjoy the view.  About 1.25 miles in I begin to not struggle against it so much.  I knew it took awhile, but I was thinking it was about a half mile.

Today is day 3 of my liquid diet.  The first two days were not bad...I think riding the high from the news of getting the date...today was a little harder.

Day 1 I had about 600 calories, day two 845...so far today I'm at 630.  Tomorrow is supposed to be the worst day they say and I think I can agree.  I did mix up a cup of decaffeinated instant coffee and cooled it down to mix with the "New Directions" vanilla pudding from the bariatric center.  That was breakfast and it was pretty good.   I did eat my bar for lunch today because I was feeling like I needed something a "little more". Having tomato soup for dinner as I type this.  It is far superior to the cheddar broccoli from New Directions but it doesn't have the protein either.  There is always a trade off in life.

I took a little break from typing this because I got the call from my mum that she had to put down her beloved dog. Was a sad evening.

The good news, if there could be any from that, was I did burn some extra calories digging.

So tomorrow will be day 4.  8 more days.  Had a little hard time with emotion tonight.  Hunger can do that when you're upset I guess.  The excitement will return as we start getting closer.  I go for pre-op blood work on Wed. morning.  I won't know until Friday what time the surgery actually is on the following Monday.  I guess they want to keep the romance and surprise me. ;)

One thing about the liquid diet, I am totally hydrated!! When you can't eat it's easier to drink.  LOL  Did everyone else hydrate today?  This heat takes it out of you.

I did have a good surprise today...I'm now on the next to last hole available in my belt!! I have gone from the first to almost the last in a little more than 3 months! ;) I've lost 18lbs...I'd really like to think I could lose another 10 during the liquid diet.  That would be cool.  But, if I don't lose anything I'm still in good shape going into this surgery, so it's all good.

Hope you all have had a healthful day.  Thanks for staying with me.

OMG! OMG! OMG!

Sooooo.... remember when I said best case scenario I'd have my surgery in October???  WRONG!!!

I'm scheduled for surgery September 15th!!!!!!!  whoot! OMG!

No time for food funerals....no time to think about one last cheat.....no time to chicken out...I am ON liquids, baby!!!  That's right!  Dr. Trieu had an opening in his schedule and I've lost enough so he wasn't worried about me not having the full two weeks...

We made it happen people!!  AND! Get this...I've lost enough to lower my BMI to 38 so he is going to do the single incision sleeve....it goes through the belly button...sooooo....no scars!!!  How cool is that??  I didn't even know that was an option! He doesn't mention it ahead of time because not everyone can have it done that way.

I'm so excited!  I had to buy my bariatric food today since I couldn't eat the lunch I took to work! LOL

Ok, what else did I learn?

1. He will not take out my gallbladder since it is not having issues.  Only 30% of sleeve patients have any issues with their gallbladder and of those, only 10% have symptoms.  When you weigh that again the risks of a (currently) unnecessary addition to the surgery it makes sense that he doesn't want to mess with it.

2. I can have an MRI with no issues.

3. I will not set off airport security.  In fact, the staple line will not even show up on an x-ray.

4. I can not lift or do anything strenuous for two weeks.

5. I can take up to two weeks off from work but he will let me try to go back some after one week.

6. His weight/bmi goal was right in line with mine.

7. He will give me pain meds but not nausea meds unless I really need them.  He gave me the scripts to get filled for liquid pain med and liquid antacid.

8. I can not wear my bra into surgery.  He didn't come right out and say it but basically, the rule is so that if I code on the table they won't have to cut off a bra to revive me....he made a point to say that will not happen tho. :)

9. If I can remove my rings before surgery he would recommend it, if I can't they will tape them.  There shouldn't be enough swelling to have an issue but I can get them off so I will leave them with Jay until I wake up.

I was supposed to have blood work 4 weeks before surgery as well as the pre-op blood work...but I take no meds and am overall healthy so he said they could just do it all at the pre-op.

So, Diet...I can have protein shakes right up until the day before.  I can have their soups (New Direction weight control system) I chose Cheddar Broccoli. :)  I can have ONE of their protein bars...I chose Short bread cookie and chocolate peanut ;)  I also got their vanilla pudding that you can add flavors to and make a thicker shake out of.  I can also have broth, jello, tea, and decaffeinated coffee.

I'm gonna try and save the bar for at night to have something to chew.  10 more days of those kinds of liquid...then just clear liquids the day before.  Look! I'm already 3 days in and didn't even know it!! ;)

I'm a little sad they go by my weight today for all future statistics of pre-op.  But, I know what my original was so I'm totally counting that in my loss count!

I might be a little closer to feeling like it's real now!  I'll be back on my feet and able to go into the hot tub by Halloween!!  (Can't go in for a month)

Today totally surpassed my expectations.  Too bad I can't celebrate with a glass of wine, right??  LOL  oh well!  I think it's probably a good thing that I'm thrown right in.  I can celebrate by walking an extra lap!

Thanks for sticking with me!!  AND thank you for all your support!

~Mikki

uhm...so I cheated today...

No, really, I did.  Not in a oh I didn't plan to eat that many carbs kind of way...in a 4x oh no! kind of way...but let me explain...

We took our daughter back to college today.  She's the youngest and this is her second year so she was very excited to have her own dorm room....and had two car loads of stuff to fill it up.  It's a 3 hour drive (one way) to get there, so I was up early this morning.  I know what you're thinking, but no, I did eat breakfast...4 oz of protein.  I also drank a 20oz bottle of water...and poured another bottle to take with me on the road....but I did have two cups of coffee (#1)---- this caused a pit stop in the woods because there is no way that 40oz of water and two cups of coffee make it 3 hours in my bladder...just is not happening.  We got to campus about 12:30 and started unloading.  Of course, once we got unloaded we realized that Jas needed every piece of furniture in the room moved.  Seriously.  Why we didn't realize this when we checked the room before we unloaded is one of life's little mysteries.  Why did she need to move it?  Because the way it was set up her head would have been at either the window or the door.  Now, every conspiracy theorist knows that in a new place you put your back to the wall.  You just do.  I'm betting the stuffed caterpillar is between her and that door tonight too.  ;)  Did I mention it was hot?  Not just hot, but they were expecting thunder storm- muggy- hot.  By the time we moved all of the furniture and about all of her belongs a time or two, my hubby was literally dripping.  So, being the good wife I am, I sent him off to get a drink and find a place to smoke...the campus in non-smoking which is great,  unless you happen to be married to a very hot, smoker...so he happily agreed to go off while we started unpacking...it's now going on 1:30 or so...

It didn't get less hot.  Just sayin'... so.... a little while later I look up and my wonderful hubby is walking back in....he's carrying a cardboard McDonald's cup carrier.  In which, he has 3 ice cold cokes and 3 hot fudge sundaes.   This is one of the reasons I married him.  :)  So I drank soda (#2) through a STRAW (#3) and had ice cream for lunch...now, I think I should get partial credit for this one because I did eat all 3 packets of nuts on my sundae and that should count for some protein...but then again, it was mixed in- so not first...oh alright! (#4)! Damn!  I cheated!!

Well, that could be how the story ends...but on the way home, I stopped and got another 20oz of water...and when we got home...I really didn't want to walk.  I mean 6 hours in a car?  My back was killing me and my legs were all swollen.  But you know what?  That is exactly why I needed to walk.  Being  fat  plump is exactly why my legs swell and my back hurts.  And I'm gonna stay fat plump unless I keep my ass moving.  So off I went on my walk while my loving hubby fixed me some protein for dinner.

My little lesson for myself today?  I'm human.  That soda and ice cream really tasted like heaven in that moment.  Do I need to prepare better for the 3 months after surgery? Yes!  Am I proud of myself for getting right back on track? Yes!  Not long ago I would have said "oh, I blew it for today anyway lets get junk".  And then I would have sat and ate the junk without moving (except to pee).  But today I was better.  Not good, or I wouldn't have cheated, but better.

I know I will not be perfect on this journey.  Maybe you find it hard to be perfect too?  All I can do is do better.  Better than I've done in the past.  Better than I did 5 minutes ago.  Small steps.  I'm now down 17lbs over all and an inch off my waist and an inch off my hips, which lets me get into pants I couldn't get into at the beginning of the summer. :)  Small steps.

People have been asking me if I'm starting to get scared about the surgery.  Not really.  I am starting to get a bit nervous about the two week liquid diet.  I am so hoping that I can nail that.  Not only so that I can say I did, but so that my liver will shrink and help make the surgery as easy and successful as it can be.

I'm still feeling dehydrated from today...brings it home that all you folks in the tropics need to keep the fluids going! :)  Here's to you! Keep that water going!  Cheers!

Thanks for being here for me!

~Mikki

lenses

I went to support group tonight.  At first I thought it wasn't as good as the last one, but then, on my walk I began to go over it again in my mind.  Tony (you remember the man who taught us the value of the squat?), the trainer, was leading again tonight.  He tends to run a fairly open forum and there were a lot of comments.
"I don't like to..."  "I don't have time to..." I hate..." "it's only for me, so I don't..."

Wow.  Can you feel it? The negative shift to the air?  Oppressive, isn't it? No wonder we're always tired.  How many of us think we're virtuous because we put others first?  How many of us sacrifice our health in the name of martyrdom?  We think we're being selfless...and we are...being less...less to be respected, less healthy, less whole, less happy, and ultimately less lovable.  Tony said it's a lens we look through.  If we can shift that lens to let just a prism of light come through, we can change. We can change.  We can change the way we think.  We can change the way we react.  We can change the rules we made up for ourselves.  We can change what we perceive to be success.

Success for me is not running up the mountain and raising my fists in the air for two minutes.  Even if I could possibly do that, that is a short lived victory, not success.    Success (for me) is becoming healthy enough to walk up the hill in front of me, and then...tomorrow walking up the next hill...and so forth.  Success is achieving the ability to realize that as long as I don't give up, I AM winning.  I'm only in a race with myself, so as long as I don't quit...I'm in first place.  :)  One small step at a time.

My surgery will be in October. Win!  I am averaging over 7000 steps a day. Win!  My appointment with Dr Trieu is next Wednesday (I asked to be on the asap list so maybe before!) and that means the surgery might be as early as Oct 3rd...but will probably be sometime the week of the 6th.  Can you feel it getting real?  That means in two weeks I could be starting liquid diet phase!  Holy Hanna!  That's exciting....and terrifying....

So, I challenge you.  Try being a little selfish.  Take time to make a plan for you.  You might not need to lose weight.  Maybe you just need to lower your stress, or you're looking to get healthier in general.  Make someone else wait.  You're worth waiting for.  Figure out what makes you happy and find time to do it.

I hope you take a few minutes to think about the lens you're looking through and how you can adjust it to let light in.  Remember, there is no such thing as darkness...it's only the absence of light.

Thanks for coming on my journey with me.  I hope I have helped you in some small way with yours.

~Mikki

Fantastic news!!

Keeping the faith!!

Got a call from Harvard Pilgrim today....they have agreed to approve my appeal!! How awesome is that?? They said because I was never given the information when I started, even they agreed it would be unreasonable to have to start all over!! :)

Now, I don't have a date yet...I have to have my second appointment with Dr Trieu and THEN I get the date!

I can't even tell you how excited I am!!

So, denial aside...I will say that Harvard Pilgrim is about the easiest insurance company that I've ever worked with.  The Appeals Analyst called me today before she'd even written up the decision.  As soon as she verified that I was all set she called me.  I was so happy!  She even went an extra step to make sure that everything else was ok before she told me so that I wouldn't get excited and then have another problem.  She verified with the physicians on the board that I've done everything I need to do!

Are you ready?  We're almost there!

If this was a test I guess hanging in there and not falling off the wagon ( oh lost 3 more lbs) really did pay off! Thank you all for the support! Prayers really do get answered!

Stay posted, I'll let you know when there's a date! :)

How's your water today??

~Mikki

oh yeah Baby! 10,557 steps! whoot!

Yeah!! So excited! ;)  Who knew it only took mowing ditches on top of my regular walk?  LOL

That's the good news.  The bad? I'm still waiting. I did get a call from Lori Charles of Harvard Pilgrim.  She didn't get any further with the "center of excellence" hospitals than I did.  She encouraged me to appeal the denial to Maine General and she put in a call to the appeals department letting them know I would be.  I did fax it to them, but haven't heard anything yet.

But, you know what? I think I get it.  It's a test. (Isn't everything?) I think maybe I was just a bit too sure of myself.  I was pushing through all these steps and, while it wasn't easy, it wasn't really a hardship test.  Maybe I needed to see what it's gonna be like.  Maybe I had to hit hard to know if I could keep pushing through.

When we were in the grocery store tonight my hubby said "look, Hon, they have reduced fat Pringles".  He knows I love Pringles...well, you know...I love all chips.  :) But I can't do it.  Chips would be my "slider" food.  (You know, kind of like a gateway drug) If I start again, I would just keep going. Maybe I can try them someday... on the other side....maybe.  I could have just decided to say "what the hell" and jump right back into them.  I've been pretty upset.  The idea of starting over and maybe even having to gain weight again has a knot in my stomach for sure.  But I really want to show myself that I AM ready for this.  I will only be successful if I can stick with it and really change how I think not just how I eat.

I'm usually a big picture person. I try to see what it the worst case scenario and then once I understand that I think "Ok, now what is best case scenario, and how do we go about doing THAT!"  I have a wonderful life. I have people that love me.  I have a great job and an even better dream for the future.  Worse case scenario?  I give up, keep getting even more fat plump and die of a heart attack at 52.  Ok, not pretty.  What is best case scenario?  I get to have my surgery in October, get healthy and have a long, healthy future in my RV with Jay. :)    Now, really anything better than step one is a win! ;)

How are you guys doing?  Everyone hydrated??  Have any challenges that are testing you this week?  Sometimes I guess we really do have to take a step back to move forward...at least that's what I'm hoping.  So in the meantime...I'm still moving!  Squeeze your butt!!  xo

10,000 steps!!!

Thanks for coming with me!
~Mikki

Hold everything...I seem to have lost an adjective...

That's right people, not only have I managed to not dive face first into the Doritos and gain stress weight...I have lost 1.5 pounds...which means I am no longer "morbidly" obese!

Just plain ol' obese here hanging out...  :)

Which of course is fantastic, unless I have to start over at this whole process.  You remember I said I need to have a BMI of 40 if there were no other weight related health issues?  Yeah, well I'm down to 37.9.  Still excessive amount of weight. There is not question about that.  I am certainly hoping that the insurance will just go by my original weight as they say they will,

So for those that don't know, HP (Havard Pilgrim) did actually reach out to me and they are trying to get the hospitals to work work with me on what I have already done.

You know how I said I was struggling to see a message?  Well, my mom has decided that the message is: Thank goodness it happened to me.  I know, right?  LOL  But her point is she knows if there is any chance to fight this, I will do it.  If it had happened to some other poor person they might not have had the fight to take it on.  And....HP has already agreed to change their policy to make sure to include the hospital information when they respond to any request about weight loss surgery in the future so I guess she is right about creating progress.  I don't mind paving the way, but I'd really like them to work with me and not have to repeat any steps.

The supervisor seemed to catch on right away that since my deductible is about met, doing all these steps again would now be out of their pocket.  Isn't it amazing how money can motivate?  I know it does me! :)

She seemed to think it should just be a simple matter of record review and any additional steps they require and then getting on with scheduling the surgery.  I hope she makes progress.  She is also encouraging me to go ahead and appeal my denial with Maine General, and is sending me the paperwork to get started on that.  I'd really, really love to just have it done here.  My surgery date would have been Oct 6th....

If I win powerball tonight it might be anyway...to hell with the insurance approval!!  What? I know!!  Sacrilege!!

I still like the flavored steevia in my protein shakes...still not eating bread or pasta...no chips since June 10th! Baby steps...before you know it I'll be telling you I'm just overweight!! ;)

Thanks for staying with me on this bumpy ride!

~Mikki

Not a curve...more of a hi-jack really...

So today was a total derail.  I didn't realize that was how it was going until it was too late.  I crashed hard.  See today was 3 weeks since my psych eval, so I decided to call the center and see if they had got any notes on it yet.

Marie tells me that "yes, we got them! And we submitted everything to your insurance company on Augusta 4th.  We should be hearing back soon."  YAY!!, Right?
So I pull up my Harvard Pilgrim website and click on authorizations.  Yep!
There is the request!  There's Dr. Trieu's name...can you feel the excitement starting to build??... I click into it...
status: Denied.

WTH??

So I pull out my trusty insurance card and call them to see what mistake they have made.  I mean...I did all the steps.  I jumped through the hoops.  They already told me that this procedure is something they cover and Dr. Trieu is in network. It's gotta be a mistake, right?

The lady that answered put me on hold...twice...trying to figure out why it was saying denied. She couldn't figure it out either.  Then, finally, she comes back on the line to say that the hospital (the only one that Dr. Trieu has privileges at) does not meet the criteria.

...

WHAT?  I called in April.  You knew it was a bariatric procedure.  You knew I was seeing Dr. Trieu for that procedure.  How could it possibly have escaped your attention to mention to me that hospital he is affiliated with would not qualify for this procedure?????

...

She did say she was sorry that no one had informed me.  Isn't that great?  $3000 out of pocket,  4 months of jumping through hoops -eagerly-, not to mention half way through my out of pocket expenses and now they're telling me I have to start all over.
Not only is it unlikely that I will get through every thing in time to have the surgery done this year...do you want to know the real kicker???
I've lost so much weight that my BMI will no longer qualify if I walk into another consult at what I weigh today.  How freaking sad is that?  I'd need to gain weight to get approved now.

I am just so mad that I don't think I can begin to process where to go with this.  I called one of the "qualifying" hospitals and sure enough she said "the first step is the seminar and then we'd get you scheduled for a consult"....ah deja vu!  I started crying.  I couldn't help it.  I was so mad and frustrated.
...
So...deep breaths.  I did not buy any chips. :)  I am going to wait until tomorrow and see if Marie has any luck at all when she calls Harvard Pilgrim to try and argue with them.  I am going to walk tonight.  And then tomorrow I will start figuring out how to fight this.  There has to be away.

I always say things happen for a reason.  I am having a really hard time seeing the message today.  But that's ok.  That's why there's tomorrow.

Thank you all for listening to this not so upbeat post.  I guess turbulence is part of the ride.

~Mikki

you are what you eat...

Hi Guys and Gals!  Sorry, I know it's been a little bit since I posted.

Let's catch up!  Ok, so had my last dietitian appointment last Thursday...the conversation was all about how to avoid the side effects...

I don't vomit well.  Actually, that's an understatement.  I will suffer for hours rather than vomit, I hate it that much.  You know that I really loved my children since I vomited violently for 7 months with the first pregnancy and still had two more. ( I actually lost about 30 lbs during that pregnancy.)

Anyhoo, I'm really looking to avoid side effects.  So I will pay attention.  I will eat slowly.  I will chew at least 20 times before swallowing. I will NOT drink for 30 minutes after I eat.  These will be words to live by.

Monday was the last support group I needed to attend for insurance.  It was great! There were 7 people there that had been sleeved.  Tony (you remember the trainer?) was leading the group but basically let us spend the whole hour just asking them questions.  Did I mention it was great?  The lady sitting behind me, had her sleeve done on June 30th... less than a month ago...she's lost 38 lbs!!  One of the guys was 13 months out and he had lost over 100 lbs.  One of the other guys had his sleeve done the beginning of February and ran his first 5k the middle of March.  He was not that young a guy.  Every Single One Of Them said they would do it again in a heart beat and their only regret was not doing it sooner.  Pretty eloquent, huh?

Conversation drifted over many areas from exercise, pain, what meds they were able to stop outright, losing the sleep apnea machines, and of course, our favorite subject...FOOD.  We all share the love of food. It is so reassuring to hear that while you still love food, you get satisfied with so much less.  We were talking about different types of protein and Tony made some comments about the type he uses.  He said that even though he loves junk food as much as everybody else he looks at the fact that our bodies are regenerating cells all the time.  They literally use what we eat to do that.  So we are what we eat...really!! Do you want your body building itself out of junk?

It was a very mixed group of people that had had the sleeve.  Some ate everything right up until the day they had to start their liquid diet (day 3 was the worst) and some lost more than 40 lbs pre-surgery.  They pretty much agreed that you need this time that it takes to get approved for your date to adjust to what you're going to have to do.  And everyone agreed that they knew no matter how much they lost pre-surgery, they would have gained it all back, and then some, if they hadn't been sleeved. They know because they'd done it before...many times...as I know...I've done it before, many times.

There seems to be a 3 year blip where people gain some back.  So the goal is to go a little lower in weight than you might have originally thought so you have a bit of flex in your maintenance stage.  I have that built into my goal already.

Today was a good day...I'm completely hydrated and walked over 8,000 steps.  I know, it's still not the ultimate goal of 10,000 but it is progress...and that's really all we're looking for, isn't it??  Forward progress...little steps...slowly we climb toward our goals...and when we look back...wow!!  Look how far we've come!!  ;)

The scale is didn't move this week, but that's ok...you know why?  I'm getting healthier....and the weight?  Well, it's days are numbered!

Keep moving forward whatever you goals are peeps, and keep smiling.  Thanks for traveling another week with me.  :)

~Mikki

17.75 miles...

From last Monday to yesterday I walked 17.75 miles.  A total of 43, 214 steps.  Not bad since I was on vacation after last Tuesday and we all know I tend not to do as well on vacation! :)  

I am doing better than last vacation tho...working on that water!  Walked 3.25 miles today.  Have I mentioned I love my fitbit?? It makes it more fun (a little bit) to exercise when you can track what you've done so well.

We went to the clam festival and ..... I had a doughboy....BUT! I had some haddock first so I did get protein in and I have to say while I know there probably won't be many doughboys in my future after surgery, it was freaking delicious... I had it custom made extra thin so it would be crunchy...yummmy!!  ;)   The best part? We walked enough around the festival to burn all the calories and I didn't gain any weight from it! ;)

We went to the movies to see "Sex Tape" and you'll be pleased to know that the popcorn tasted like crap...didn't eat much of it at all...and only a sip of the soda...that was yucky too.  The movie was hilarious if you like that kind of slapstick humor.  It really is true that if you stop putting crap into your body it starts wanting good stuff.  I'm still loving the flavored stevia and the sugar-free Hershey's syrup for different flavors in my protein shakes.  It's so good to know that when I'm on the liquid diet I will still have stuff I like the flavor of at least.

Thursday is my last dietitian visit...Monday is the last support group that I NEED to go to for insurance, but I really like them so I might go to more...the only thing left that is mandated is two trainer visits which don't get scheduled until I have a surgery date.  And then...it's just pre-op stuff!!  6 steps left of the 15 I started with, but all dependent now on the insurance approval.  so we wait....

How is your week going??  Sneaking in any treats? Getting your water in?  Are you walking?  Sleeping??  Can't forget to get enough sleep! Your body can't heal and help itself without that! :)  I'm loving the sun! And that helps me hydrate too!   Thanks for hanging in there with me waiting for the insurance approval!
Hang on! It's getting closer! ;)

~Mikki

Danger! Danger! Will Robinson!!

whoa... this whole hydrating thing? Kinda dangerous...all I can say is don't sneeze close to the end of your walk after hydrating all day! Barely made it to the bathroom!!

So today was it! Had the psych eval!  550 true or false questions to start...really don't want to see those little answer circles for a long time to come!  After that was complete I went upstairs to talk with the psychologist.  She was nice. Basically just went over the paperwork I had done online.  Asked me if I had any questions about anything. She did a lot of nodding.  She seemed to agree that I had my expectations where they should be.  Didn't really say a whole lot.  We ended a half hour early.  I don't know if I did the questions faster than most or just talked faster. :)

She said it would be two weeks for them to fax over the results and recommendations to the bariatric center.  From there it gets sent to my insurance along with proof of all my other steps and we wait for approval.  All that I can find on Harvard Pilgrim says that they are great about processing quickly so I hope that is true.  As soon as I have the approval then they set the date for surgery!! How exciting!!

I stayed on plan yesterday when we went out to celebrate our anniversary.  I had water to drink and some baby-back ribs and coleslaw.  No bread and no alcohol.  Not bad.  :)

Oh, did I mention I lost another pound? Down 13 so far.

That is

a bowling ball
a bald eagle
a typical 3 month old baby 
or 4 boxes of wine!!!

That's like 52 sticks of butter!!!


No wonder I can walk a couple miles easier than I could a month ago. :)

Still not dieting! ;)  I do still have to work at the hydrating thing..on going battle I guess.  Oh, just a side note...sugar free Hershey's syrup is great in protein shakes!  :)
Oh Yeah! I tried one of the chew able vitamins too and no nausea!  So here's hoping I can handle those. :)

Thanks for staying with me!

~Mikki

I didn't want to do it...

Today was one of those days.  I just didn't want to.  I had a good day multi-tasking (and by multi-tasking I mean running the dishwasher while I laid in the sun, read and drank my water).  Hey, this is a big improvement over drinking wine.  :)

So, yeah, I did not want to exercise.  The clouds rolled in and it made me not want to even more.  But then I heard Tony's voice in my head (the trainer) saying "if you let a little rain stop you what are you going to do when there is snow on the ground".  UGH!  ok, ok!

I put on some walking clothes ~ yesterday I walked in a sundress and let me tell you chubby thighs do NOT like that!!~ that included shorts and a baseball cap.  As I walk out the door...here come the sprinkles...and they pick up speed...it was like the Fates tempting me (Mikki images the 3 of them passing around their eyeball and taking bets on if I'm turning back). NO! I am not. I am going. And just because I didn't want to I added extra time.  You know what? As soon as I got around the corner, the rain stopped!  It was just testing me!!  HA! Take that you ol' bags!! ;)

Got most of my water in.  How are you doing?? Putting off anything?? hmmmmmm???

It's the beginning of the week! Let's start out strong.  Let's show the Fates we are in charge of what we do! That's right! We do what we want! (Even if we don't really want to...)

Hope you have a good night and a Happy Monday!

~Mikki

just want to share this...

People have asked me what is hardest so far?...For me that is not drinking with my meals...I'm not supposed to for 30 minutes after either (and I'm not so good at that part yet)... and then they want to know... why?  This is by far the best explanation that I have seen.

"This is my understanding how the Pyloric Valve works.

The Pyloric Valve function and how it pertains to your VSG.

The function of your Pyloric valve is the single most not talked about important part of understanding how and when you should eat and drink.

The Pyloric Valve is just that....It is a valve that is located at the bottom of your stomach/sleeve. This valve is in between your sleeve and the lower intestine. The basic definition of a valve is an apparatus that opens and closes.

When open this valve it is about the diameter of a dime. When closed it’s opening is closed down to the diameter of the head of a ballpoint pen.

Dense proteins and harder to digest foods will cause the Pyloric valve to close to hold the food in your stomach for pre-digestion...... stomach acids breaking down this “Rough” food. 

That’s why we are told to eat dense proteins first.....To close the Pyloric Valve so food stays in your stomach/sleeve longer so we have a sense of satisfaction.

It takes about 30-60 minutes for the food to clear the Pyloric Valve...... Than it’s OK to drink.

That is also where the term slider food  comes into play. A slider food does not close the Pyloric Valve and as the term is intended.....food slides right past an open Pyloric Valve.

There is a video that gets posted every so often that is supposed to explain food going past the Pyloric Valve. The guy uses a funnel and has apple sauce or something in it....and it shows the apple sauce dripping out the end of the funnel very slow. Than he pours water on top of the apple sauce to dilute it, illustrating drinking after eating.....and the diluted apple sauce runs through the funnel end faster. Than he concludes that this is how your pyloric valve works.

Well, it is a great video that only tells half the story.....remember it’s a valve...and he is only showing it in the open position....

So now the other half of the Pyloric Valve function..... You eat a dense protein like chicken that causes your Pyloric Valve to close. Say for example your sleeve has a 4oz. capacity.....and you eat 4oz. of chicken.....your sleeve is full and holding all 4 oz. of chicken for pre-digestion because your Pyloric Valve is closed. 

So now try and drink something....where is it gonna go? Up.....Up until it hits another valve of sorts..... the Esophageal Sphincter (valve) and above that is a flapper valve. The function of these two valves is to hold food, bile and stomach acids in your stomach and not backing up into your air way. This is a very high pressure system. Thats why when you eat to much or drink after eating a hard to digest food and your Pyloric is closed.....It hurts cause you pressurized your intake track. Vomiting would be a natural pressure release.

So you can see how learning and understanding how the Pyloric Valve works is important as it pertains to eating and drinking with a Gastric Sleeve.

So that was kinda like VSG and the Pyloric Valve 101

As you get further a long you will want to use the Pyloric Valve in other ways to keep food in your sleeve longer to stay satisfied longer. 

A sleeve empties faster than a stock un altered full size stomach so sometimes it’s beneficial for you to learn what foods stay in your sleeve longer to extend satisfaction.

Dense proteins are #1 in closing the Pyloric Valve. Chicken, steak, pork, fish.....in that order seems to be the way it goes for me.

Other foods that are hard to digest and help close the Pyloric Valve are foods like:

• Broccoli Stalk
• Asparagus
• Celery
• Cucumber with Skin
• Radish
• Cabbage (I’m testing this right now)
• Bell Pepper

So I hope you understand my 5 cent tour of the Pyloric Valve and how it effects the way we eat with a VSG and how important it is to work the Pyloric Valve to your benefit.

frisco"

Doesn't that make it so much easier to understand?? I thought so anyway.  I'm hoping Frisco won't mind I totally have stolen it! ;) 

I forgot to mention when I went to the dietitian last time I asked her about the shots after surgery and she said that unless the person has a condition that requires them it is not standard protocol. YAY!

I have had three separate people  tell me this week that this blog has made an impact for them and helped them to make better choices.... this makes my heart so glad!!   This was the main reason for starting the blog!! ...Also to keep me engaged and motivated...well, guess what??  You guys keep me motivated!!  I love hearing from you that you are taking steps to get happier or healthier!! <3  Keep up the good work you!! 

And thanks for coming with me on this journey! 

~Mikki