My first visit to the dietitian went well. Her name is Elizabeth. We talked about all the stuff I've talked to you guys about! :)
She agrees the sleeve seems to be the best choice for me too.
I've lost 3lbs...so another 4 sticks of butter :)
Still not dieting... YAY!
So what's new you ask? Well I now have a defined protein goal. I should be reaching at least 60g a day. It's ok to get more...well maybe not over a 100 grams consistently, but between 60 and 85 is fine. Protein is what feeds our muscles and if we don't get enough even if we are losing weight, we are losing muscle as well as fat and then when we gain again (because, you know, we always do) the fat goes on easier and comes off harder...and it gets progressively worse each time. This is why obesity is a chronic condition.
I also have more homework. I turned in my food logs...and believe me there was nothing really "diet" like about them. But I did get my goal of protein almost every day. Now I have to focus on eating the right cycle of foods. No more bread or complex foods (casseroles, shepherd's pie, chop-suey, yeah the good stuff) and start to eat the protein first, then the veggie and last the starch. She doesn't care about what I eat for portions right now because that will take care of itself after the surgery. It's more important to eat slowly and chew each bite down to sauce. Not to drink for up to an hour after I eat. And get used to the cycle. I also need to incorporate another day of exercise in...gotta get that figured into my weekend somehow! All the studies show that people who started a routine (doesn't matter what kind) before the surgery, do better after the surgery. And I want to do better.
She gave me the name of a blog to read "The world according to Egg Face". It has recipes too!
Now to start attending some support groups. She said they are like anything that is people based...they are as good as the people who are there.
BUT first! We're off on vacation...I'll try to blog about my choices while in Florida... I already know I will more than likely have more wine than usual and have to work at drinking my water but vacation is always a challenge. I'm just grateful that Elizabeth said I didn't have to watch my portions right before we leave!! ;)
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Monday, May 19, 2014
rainy days and Mondays...and a little anesthesia
Today was my scope. It was at 2;00 pm. that meant I could have a breakfast of clear fluids...do I need to repeat the clear fluid list?
ok
Water, broths, Jell-o, clear juice, black tea, black coffee, flavored ice and gatgorade.
My awesome husband made me some jell-o last night so I could have that for breakfast. Then I did have a couple of cups of tea because I always drink that black. By 10:00am all I could have were occasional sips of water.
By noon - my stomach was GRUMBLING!
Jay drove me to the hospital and we got there a few minutes early. Got all checked in - the first question they ask? Do I have a living will? Uhm, you people are giving me a complex! So, we hung out for a few minutes. The nurse called my name and Alana and Jordan (two of my children) came screeching through the door to give me a hug before I went in.
This is nice. It's only 1:45 and I'm in the room going over my med history. Great maybe we'll be done early! ha ha ha
Things are moving a long fine. I get undressed from the waist up (they let me keep the bra on) and put on the little johny thingy. I kept my shoes on because I didn't know if I'd be able to tie them when I got up. ;) They come in and have me lay down. Hook a blood pressure cuff up to me and attempt to put in an IV in my hand.. (1) Well that didn't work, it started swelling things. So they moved to the inside of my other forearm (2). That started to swell also. They decided to call someone else to try. So a different person came in and went back to the inside of the wrist on my first arm (3). Nope. And that one really stung. They have paged the gal that they say is awesome at it, but she is with a patient on the phone.
In the meantime, by blood pressure cuff has gone off and they are having some concerns... 80/50 does seem a bit low especially since I've been stuck multiple times. * Dr. Coleman wonders in in the middle of all this and then wonders out again. * They switch the blood pressure cuff to the other side. I want to say these nurses were actually great. Everyone kept their sense of humor and they really felt bad it was not working. I'm sure being dehydrated from not drinking much all morning didn't help. So finally, Julie (the wonder girl) comes and looks things over and decides to try the inside of my elbow on the second arm (4).
I could tell right away she nailed it. :) It just felt better. So my blood pressure is now reading 116/53 so they are happier about that and they have the IV wide open so we just have to have the doctor come in and go over risks so I can sign off and start, right? Well, all this misadventure has lasted about a half hour so we are now at about 2:20pm...guess what? Dr. Coleman's 2:30 was early too and apparently didn't give them so much of a hard time so he moved on to them while he waited for them to get me going. So now we wait.
I wish I had brought my nook in, but I left it out with Jay. It wasn't bad, the nurses kept up a good conversation for the most part.and the Dr finally made it into the room about 2:45 pm. He made joke about the meds in the IV going right back out all the holes in my arms. oh aren't we a lively group? ;)
He goes over everything. Talks about what he is going to do and the fact that the most significant thing he is doing is looking for some nasty bacteria that once they operate on my stomach would be very hard to get to so they want to make sure its not there before they start. I'm cool with that. They have these really nice screens and I'm determined that I'm gonna stay coherent enough to watch...how cool, right?
Well they turn me over onto my left side, get my comfortable, put a bib under chin for drool . Did I mention they gave me a warm blanket? oh so comfy. They explain the bite block and start putting the meds into the IV. I remember the Dr. putting in the bite block...well I remember the start of that...him asking me to lift my head for the the strap that goes around...and then I remember the nurse touching me on my shoulder that they were moving my bed out to the recovery area. Talk about weird I didn't feel tired. I did feel VERY relaxed. They moved me out and brought the family in. And I got COFFEE AND PEANUT BUTTER CRACKERS! They may have been the best ones I've ever eaten. :)
So. I literally have no memory of the scope. My throat is not really sore. My arms are however. I was discharged pretty quickly since I kept the coffee down fine. I really wanted some haddock chowder so my wonderful husband drove me around to two different places to find some. YUM.
The biopsy should be back in a couple of weeks to let me know if there were any problems with bacteria. He said everything else looked great to proceed. YAY!! I hope my actually surgery goes this well...besides all the punctures of course...another exciting step out of the way.
Now.... I have a ton of catching up to do with my water...how about you? Got yours in today??
First dietitian appointment coming up on Thursday! We're really moving along. :) Thanks so much for staying with me.
~Mikki
ok
Water, broths, Jell-o, clear juice, black tea, black coffee, flavored ice and gatgorade.
My awesome husband made me some jell-o last night so I could have that for breakfast. Then I did have a couple of cups of tea because I always drink that black. By 10:00am all I could have were occasional sips of water.
By noon - my stomach was GRUMBLING!
Jay drove me to the hospital and we got there a few minutes early. Got all checked in - the first question they ask? Do I have a living will? Uhm, you people are giving me a complex! So, we hung out for a few minutes. The nurse called my name and Alana and Jordan (two of my children) came screeching through the door to give me a hug before I went in.
This is nice. It's only 1:45 and I'm in the room going over my med history. Great maybe we'll be done early! ha ha ha
Things are moving a long fine. I get undressed from the waist up (they let me keep the bra on) and put on the little johny thingy. I kept my shoes on because I didn't know if I'd be able to tie them when I got up. ;) They come in and have me lay down. Hook a blood pressure cuff up to me and attempt to put in an IV in my hand.. (1) Well that didn't work, it started swelling things. So they moved to the inside of my other forearm (2). That started to swell also. They decided to call someone else to try. So a different person came in and went back to the inside of the wrist on my first arm (3). Nope. And that one really stung. They have paged the gal that they say is awesome at it, but she is with a patient on the phone.
In the meantime, by blood pressure cuff has gone off and they are having some concerns... 80/50 does seem a bit low especially since I've been stuck multiple times. * Dr. Coleman wonders in in the middle of all this and then wonders out again. * They switch the blood pressure cuff to the other side. I want to say these nurses were actually great. Everyone kept their sense of humor and they really felt bad it was not working. I'm sure being dehydrated from not drinking much all morning didn't help. So finally, Julie (the wonder girl) comes and looks things over and decides to try the inside of my elbow on the second arm (4).
I could tell right away she nailed it. :) It just felt better. So my blood pressure is now reading 116/53 so they are happier about that and they have the IV wide open so we just have to have the doctor come in and go over risks so I can sign off and start, right? Well, all this misadventure has lasted about a half hour so we are now at about 2:20pm...guess what? Dr. Coleman's 2:30 was early too and apparently didn't give them so much of a hard time so he moved on to them while he waited for them to get me going. So now we wait.
I wish I had brought my nook in, but I left it out with Jay. It wasn't bad, the nurses kept up a good conversation for the most part.and the Dr finally made it into the room about 2:45 pm. He made joke about the meds in the IV going right back out all the holes in my arms. oh aren't we a lively group? ;)
He goes over everything. Talks about what he is going to do and the fact that the most significant thing he is doing is looking for some nasty bacteria that once they operate on my stomach would be very hard to get to so they want to make sure its not there before they start. I'm cool with that. They have these really nice screens and I'm determined that I'm gonna stay coherent enough to watch...how cool, right?
Well they turn me over onto my left side, get my comfortable, put a bib under chin for drool . Did I mention they gave me a warm blanket? oh so comfy. They explain the bite block and start putting the meds into the IV. I remember the Dr. putting in the bite block...well I remember the start of that...him asking me to lift my head for the the strap that goes around...and then I remember the nurse touching me on my shoulder that they were moving my bed out to the recovery area. Talk about weird I didn't feel tired. I did feel VERY relaxed. They moved me out and brought the family in. And I got COFFEE AND PEANUT BUTTER CRACKERS! They may have been the best ones I've ever eaten. :)
So. I literally have no memory of the scope. My throat is not really sore. My arms are however. I was discharged pretty quickly since I kept the coffee down fine. I really wanted some haddock chowder so my wonderful husband drove me around to two different places to find some. YUM.
The biopsy should be back in a couple of weeks to let me know if there were any problems with bacteria. He said everything else looked great to proceed. YAY!! I hope my actually surgery goes this well...besides all the punctures of course...another exciting step out of the way.
Now.... I have a ton of catching up to do with my water...how about you? Got yours in today??
First dietitian appointment coming up on Thursday! We're really moving along. :) Thanks so much for staying with me.
~Mikki
Friday, May 16, 2014
Choices...and SCOPE!
The information I got at the consult mentions in several places that the choice to be successful is up to you. The surgery is not going to do it all for you. If you continue to eat the worst food, to eat more than you comfortably can, to not exercise you are probably not going to be as successful. And, you might make yourself miserable in the process.
I've started my homework. Yesterday I did a full daily intake log. I am pleased to note that it does not include (at this time) a calorie count. It does count grams of protein and amounts of calcium, iron, b complex, and if you're taking a multivitamin. It also counts water intake and physical activity. It gives a reminder to get enough sleep and another area to work on protein.
So, although it may not be counting calories, writing down everything you put in your mouth does make you think about it! And my first day - being able to eat as much I can - I still only managed 52g of protein. uhm, not good. I can see why they have you start working on this early.
Also, have you ever tried to chew every bite to the consistency of applesauce? Yeah, that's not so easy either. I am trying. And there is no way that I have taken 30 minutes to eat a meal in years. Wow. No wonder I can eat so much, I must eat like a Hoover...
The no soda thing is no biggy...I rarely drink soda. But keeping it to 3 meals with no in-between is harder. Especially in the morning. I have been eating breakfast lately. I didn't for years but I'm trying to be smarter about that. But I have a time crunch. I need to be at work and ready to go into morning meeting by 6:40am. I get up about 4:40am to make this happen. That gives me time to do my crunches and all the other stuff (if the dogs don't putter too much) and get there. But taking 30 minutes and eating enough to sustain me until noon is another matter. I'm going to have to work on that.
While I was working on all my first day stuff...I got a call....from the hospital scheduler....MY SCOPE IS SCHEDULED FOR MONDAY! woot! And we're off to a fast start! It will be good to know that there's nothing going on that could mess this up.
Next week is a busy one! My scope on Monday, meet with the dietitian on Thursday and start vacation Thursday night!
So while this journey is full of choices I am choosing to move forward. I am choosing that while most of this is not easy, it is worthwhile. I am choosing to change my relationship with food in a most permanent way. You may not need to do such drastic changes, and certainly you may not need to address an issue with food...but are there better choices you could make in your life? Is there drama that you could walk away from? Are you getting enough rest to allow your mind to regenerate and lose some stress? Are you choosing to spend time with your family and loved ones over letting work take over your life?
I hope that you do look at things a little different and choose to make choices that make you happy. We are only here for a little while so we might as well enjoy it!! :)
~Mikki
I've started my homework. Yesterday I did a full daily intake log. I am pleased to note that it does not include (at this time) a calorie count. It does count grams of protein and amounts of calcium, iron, b complex, and if you're taking a multivitamin. It also counts water intake and physical activity. It gives a reminder to get enough sleep and another area to work on protein.
So, although it may not be counting calories, writing down everything you put in your mouth does make you think about it! And my first day - being able to eat as much I can - I still only managed 52g of protein. uhm, not good. I can see why they have you start working on this early.
Also, have you ever tried to chew every bite to the consistency of applesauce? Yeah, that's not so easy either. I am trying. And there is no way that I have taken 30 minutes to eat a meal in years. Wow. No wonder I can eat so much, I must eat like a Hoover...
The no soda thing is no biggy...I rarely drink soda. But keeping it to 3 meals with no in-between is harder. Especially in the morning. I have been eating breakfast lately. I didn't for years but I'm trying to be smarter about that. But I have a time crunch. I need to be at work and ready to go into morning meeting by 6:40am. I get up about 4:40am to make this happen. That gives me time to do my crunches and all the other stuff (if the dogs don't putter too much) and get there. But taking 30 minutes and eating enough to sustain me until noon is another matter. I'm going to have to work on that.
While I was working on all my first day stuff...I got a call....from the hospital scheduler....MY SCOPE IS SCHEDULED FOR MONDAY! woot! And we're off to a fast start! It will be good to know that there's nothing going on that could mess this up.
Next week is a busy one! My scope on Monday, meet with the dietitian on Thursday and start vacation Thursday night!
So while this journey is full of choices I am choosing to move forward. I am choosing that while most of this is not easy, it is worthwhile. I am choosing to change my relationship with food in a most permanent way. You may not need to do such drastic changes, and certainly you may not need to address an issue with food...but are there better choices you could make in your life? Is there drama that you could walk away from? Are you getting enough rest to allow your mind to regenerate and lose some stress? Are you choosing to spend time with your family and loved ones over letting work take over your life?
I hope that you do look at things a little different and choose to make choices that make you happy. We are only here for a little while so we might as well enjoy it!! :)
~Mikki
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
information extravaganza!
Today was the day. It started out a bit rocky. My appointment was at 11:00am to see the nurse for 20 minutes and then the doctor for 20 minutes.
So I got there on time and gave them my insurance info...and the lady said "if you look to the left you can choose your packet of information". So it had a privacy notice and a medicare information flyer and... a health care directive to fill out. whoa...talk about bringing in some reality quick!
So as I sat there and pondered my mortality...I saw a few people come and go...and the clock ticked on...and on...and on.... so at 11:45 they finally called me in. I might have been more upset but I had just left my office where we were running about 40 minutes behind too. Did I mention last night was a full moon??
So the nurse took me in. We did all the official measurements. My BMI came out to 41. This means that I don't have to mess with a lot of other tests and things to show the insurance company that I am a good candidate for this surgery. YAY! They double checked my insurance and Harvard Pilgrim does not require any special hoops to jump through other than the normal procedures for coverage. DOUBLE YAY!!
They went over my health history with me. They asked if I'd had a scope before. say what?! "no". Ok, well Dr Trieu does a scope before any gastric surgery. They put you to sleep and go down your throat with a scope to check out your stomach. He wants to be sure there are no little surprises down there, you know, like ulcers and nasty bacteria growing before he sets out to do major surgery. Ok. That makes sense. They tell me I need to see the dietitian 3x. Once a month. And they tell me they'll have the office call me to schedule the psych eval. This is mostly to make sure that if I was emotionally compromised they could work out any problem with meds ahead of time. She said in 8 years they've only had two people who no longer qualified after the psych eval.."it's mostly just a pain because it takes about 2 and a half hours"...whoa...really?? I didn't know I could feel that much about food...lol...but I guess they cover all bases.
So then I get a binder (yeah, really) that has information in it. Holy Cow does it! ;) It also contains my "homework" that I need to start. This includes sheets for my food log. 1.)Whatever goes in your mouth gets written down. 2.) eat 3 meals a day. 3.) 30 minutes/meal...slow down . no distractions. no t.v. pay attention to what you eat. 4.) chew- you need to chew each bite to the consistency of applesauce before swallowing. 5.) no soda/ NO bubbles.
Not a lot of surprises there. I asked the question we all wanted to know. Yes, the pre-surgery diet is for two weeks fluids only. (Jay thinks he will need to work a lot of hours that two weeks.) Seriously, this is what I think will be the hardest part, but I'm hoping it will be so close to reality at that point I will be excited and not focus on starving...
They also gave me a calender of when all the support groups meet for the next few months. I just need to pick 3 to go to. I can show up to any of them.
So... timeline? They said it takes 4- 6 months. 4 months means I can hopefully be looking at a date in September! They told me they don't want to speed anything up quicker than 4 months anyway. Everyone who walks through the door thinks they are ready for this yesterday. But they have to make sure that physically and emotionally they are not going to make us worse. Do no harm really seems to mean something there. So they took my picture to be able to look back at it. ;)
Now, Dr Trieu came in. Yeah, that was all with the nurse. He went back over the med history. Asked again about my prior surgeries and double checked that I'm not a smoker. He was very nice. Younger than I was expecting for some reason. He checked my lungs and stomach. He talked to me about options and agreed that I was a great candidate for the sleeve. ;)
Talked to me about eating being as much emotional as physical, and asked me if I had questions about the actual surgery. I really didn't have much. Mentioned that my blood pressure dropped pretty significantly in prior surgeries and asked him if that bothered him. He said no it was so many years ago he felt I should be fine. Good thing they gave me that advanced directive, huh?
So... still with me?? Now I started looking through the binder. There's a lot of info here, but you know I went right to the sample menus, right?? ;)
Phase 1: at the hospital and for two weeks after leaving:
Breakfast: 1/2 cup decaffeinated tea
1/2 cup low sodium broth
Lunch: 1/2 cup flavored water
1/2 cup sugar free jello
Dinner: 1/2 cup low sodium broth
1/2 cup sugar free jello
yep...that's it. Phase 1. I better freakin lose some weight!! ;)
I'll go into more phases next time...I think that's really enough to think about for now. Guess what? It's real now!! We're on our way! Thanks for staying with me!
~ Mikki
So I got there on time and gave them my insurance info...and the lady said "if you look to the left you can choose your packet of information". So it had a privacy notice and a medicare information flyer and... a health care directive to fill out. whoa...talk about bringing in some reality quick!
So as I sat there and pondered my mortality...I saw a few people come and go...and the clock ticked on...and on...and on.... so at 11:45 they finally called me in. I might have been more upset but I had just left my office where we were running about 40 minutes behind too. Did I mention last night was a full moon??
So the nurse took me in. We did all the official measurements. My BMI came out to 41. This means that I don't have to mess with a lot of other tests and things to show the insurance company that I am a good candidate for this surgery. YAY! They double checked my insurance and Harvard Pilgrim does not require any special hoops to jump through other than the normal procedures for coverage. DOUBLE YAY!!
They went over my health history with me. They asked if I'd had a scope before. say what?! "no". Ok, well Dr Trieu does a scope before any gastric surgery. They put you to sleep and go down your throat with a scope to check out your stomach. He wants to be sure there are no little surprises down there, you know, like ulcers and nasty bacteria growing before he sets out to do major surgery. Ok. That makes sense. They tell me I need to see the dietitian 3x. Once a month. And they tell me they'll have the office call me to schedule the psych eval. This is mostly to make sure that if I was emotionally compromised they could work out any problem with meds ahead of time. She said in 8 years they've only had two people who no longer qualified after the psych eval.."it's mostly just a pain because it takes about 2 and a half hours"...whoa...really?? I didn't know I could feel that much about food...lol...but I guess they cover all bases.
So then I get a binder (yeah, really) that has information in it. Holy Cow does it! ;) It also contains my "homework" that I need to start. This includes sheets for my food log. 1.)Whatever goes in your mouth gets written down. 2.) eat 3 meals a day. 3.) 30 minutes/meal...slow down . no distractions. no t.v. pay attention to what you eat. 4.) chew- you need to chew each bite to the consistency of applesauce before swallowing. 5.) no soda/ NO bubbles.
Not a lot of surprises there. I asked the question we all wanted to know. Yes, the pre-surgery diet is for two weeks fluids only. (Jay thinks he will need to work a lot of hours that two weeks.) Seriously, this is what I think will be the hardest part, but I'm hoping it will be so close to reality at that point I will be excited and not focus on starving...
They also gave me a calender of when all the support groups meet for the next few months. I just need to pick 3 to go to. I can show up to any of them.
So... timeline? They said it takes 4- 6 months. 4 months means I can hopefully be looking at a date in September! They told me they don't want to speed anything up quicker than 4 months anyway. Everyone who walks through the door thinks they are ready for this yesterday. But they have to make sure that physically and emotionally they are not going to make us worse. Do no harm really seems to mean something there. So they took my picture to be able to look back at it. ;)
Now, Dr Trieu came in. Yeah, that was all with the nurse. He went back over the med history. Asked again about my prior surgeries and double checked that I'm not a smoker. He was very nice. Younger than I was expecting for some reason. He checked my lungs and stomach. He talked to me about options and agreed that I was a great candidate for the sleeve. ;)
Talked to me about eating being as much emotional as physical, and asked me if I had questions about the actual surgery. I really didn't have much. Mentioned that my blood pressure dropped pretty significantly in prior surgeries and asked him if that bothered him. He said no it was so many years ago he felt I should be fine. Good thing they gave me that advanced directive, huh?
So... still with me?? Now I started looking through the binder. There's a lot of info here, but you know I went right to the sample menus, right?? ;)
Phase 1: at the hospital and for two weeks after leaving:
Breakfast: 1/2 cup decaffeinated tea
1/2 cup low sodium broth
Lunch: 1/2 cup flavored water
1/2 cup sugar free jello
Dinner: 1/2 cup low sodium broth
1/2 cup sugar free jello
yep...that's it. Phase 1. I better freakin lose some weight!! ;)
I'll go into more phases next time...I think that's really enough to think about for now. Guess what? It's real now!! We're on our way! Thanks for staying with me!
~ Mikki
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
getting real now...
I got the confirmation call yesterday...my consult is tomorrow. So the real deal begins.
I've been pretty good this week about drinking my water...a friend asked me today about drinking water after the surgery. Yes, you still need to get that much water in but you obviously can't gulp it. It's about drinking consistently throughout the day.
I said good bye to ice cream last night. Not for ever hopefully but for the foreseeable future anyway. I had grape-nut. It was yummy.
Tomorrow I have to start paying attention to calories. Yuck. I hate that. But that's part of the deal. I need to start a food journal too. Awareness of what I put in my mouth will be a big deal from now on. I need to start paying attention to how much protein I am eating because it will be much better after the surgery if I know what things are safe to eat.
Sooo... yeah, it's getting real now.
I had a great Mother's day this past weekend. I hope all you moms out there had a good one too. Life really is good.
I can't wait to tell you all what tomorrow will bring. Got any questions for him??
:)
~Mikki
I've been pretty good this week about drinking my water...a friend asked me today about drinking water after the surgery. Yes, you still need to get that much water in but you obviously can't gulp it. It's about drinking consistently throughout the day.
I said good bye to ice cream last night. Not for ever hopefully but for the foreseeable future anyway. I had grape-nut. It was yummy.
Tomorrow I have to start paying attention to calories. Yuck. I hate that. But that's part of the deal. I need to start a food journal too. Awareness of what I put in my mouth will be a big deal from now on. I need to start paying attention to how much protein I am eating because it will be much better after the surgery if I know what things are safe to eat.
Sooo... yeah, it's getting real now.
I had a great Mother's day this past weekend. I hope all you moms out there had a good one too. Life really is good.
I can't wait to tell you all what tomorrow will bring. Got any questions for him??
:)
~Mikki
Friday, May 9, 2014
a half cup...
half-cup
[haf-kuhp,
noun
half of a cup, equal to 4 fluid ounces (0.1 liter) or 8 tablespoons.
I keep thinking about how I will be full after a half cup once I have this surgery. It seems so hard to fathom. I made lasagna tonight
I love lasagna...I can eat 2 or 3 plates at a time. So I set my half cup out so I could see what it's gonna be like.
Deep breaths.... I can do this. It won't matter because I won't be hungry, right?
I'm a bit scared of the pre-surgery diet. I know I'll have a goal, but I'm gonna feel like I'm starving. Just like all those other times I've tried to diet and failed.
This time will be different. This time its not a temporary fix. This time it's the first step to a different life. Because you know why? After the WLS I can still have lasagna! It won't be two plates, it will be 8 tablespoons. And its gonna taste fan-damn-tastic!
I think we all get scared when things are important, right? But that just means it's gonna be worth it in the end.
A half cup? It will seem like a lot! So I get the best of both worlds.
Have you drank your water today? Bottoms up!
:) ~ Mikki
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
"Carry On Wayward Son"
So, I've always heard people talk about emotional eating. Sure, who doesn't pop chocolate into their mouths when they are under stress?
I guess I never really thought about how Real and True emotion plays into food. Last night I ate two dinners. Did I need two? Of course not. Why did I eat two? Because my husband loves me.
Yes, that's right. We celebrate everything including our love with food. Looking at it in the light of writing this blog its seems pretty "yeah, Duh". When he runs to the store he wants me to know he's thinking of me so he gets me a snack. Last night was his night off and he had a couple of drinks, so he wanted to cook for me. He wasn't hungry. And, I'd already eaten...but as we've previously discussed I am always hungry. How wonderful and sad is that?
So, I got thinking about it and really, my whole life food has equated love and happiness. We moved a lot when I was growing up. My Dad had many different jobs. Some jobs were great and we lived in really nice places. Some jobs were not so great and we lived in much more humble places. But when the money was good...the cupboards were full. As I grew up and had a family of my own I find I have lived the same way. You always knew when there was a raise or a bonus (or we won money at the casino) because the fridge and shelves were full.
Not only was there more money, but the "vibe" of the family was happy. My parents didn't fight with each other. The kids all had their special treats. So while I always thought the emotional end of my weight was kind of a minor issue I realize its actually a pretty major part. When we talk about family events to this day the first concern is food. Not "what about munchies?"...it's "what will the major entree be? "
A year or two ago I had a pretty stressful time at work. I gained 50 lbs. Yes, you read that right.
I am a very happy person. Even asFAT plump as I am, I don't have an issue with depression. Maybe its because food makes me so happy! ;) Actually I'm just happy. Food is just the way I celebrate.
So, what does all this mean to my future?
"Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man,
Well, it surely means that I don't know"
I won't be able to celebrate this way anymore. I need to find wonderful new ways to enjoy what is clearly a wonderful life. I'd love to say that it will be with exercise....but realistically, I don't know if I can expect that kind of change in my personality! ;) But there truly will be differences. I'm trying to convince my hubby to switch to jewelry...I don't know if he's buying it... heh heh.
The truth is that I am feeling some remorse that there are some things I will probably never eat again. I am grieving a bit about that. But! in order to have a new life of energy and health I need to let those things go and know its time to move on.
"On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about, I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune,
But I hear the voices say
Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more no more!"
7 more days til my consult!
Thanks for sticking with me!
~Mikki
I guess I never really thought about how Real and True emotion plays into food. Last night I ate two dinners. Did I need two? Of course not. Why did I eat two? Because my husband loves me.
Yes, that's right. We celebrate everything including our love with food. Looking at it in the light of writing this blog its seems pretty "yeah, Duh". When he runs to the store he wants me to know he's thinking of me so he gets me a snack. Last night was his night off and he had a couple of drinks, so he wanted to cook for me. He wasn't hungry. And, I'd already eaten...but as we've previously discussed I am always hungry. How wonderful and sad is that?
So, I got thinking about it and really, my whole life food has equated love and happiness. We moved a lot when I was growing up. My Dad had many different jobs. Some jobs were great and we lived in really nice places. Some jobs were not so great and we lived in much more humble places. But when the money was good...the cupboards were full. As I grew up and had a family of my own I find I have lived the same way. You always knew when there was a raise or a bonus (or we won money at the casino) because the fridge and shelves were full.
Not only was there more money, but the "vibe" of the family was happy. My parents didn't fight with each other. The kids all had their special treats. So while I always thought the emotional end of my weight was kind of a minor issue I realize its actually a pretty major part. When we talk about family events to this day the first concern is food. Not "what about munchies?"...it's "what will the major entree be? "
A year or two ago I had a pretty stressful time at work. I gained 50 lbs. Yes, you read that right.
I am a very happy person. Even as
So, what does all this mean to my future?
"Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man,
Well, it surely means that I don't know"
The truth is that I am feeling some remorse that there are some things I will probably never eat again. I am grieving a bit about that. But! in order to have a new life of energy and health I need to let those things go and know its time to move on.
"On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about, I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune,
But I hear the voices say
Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more no more!"
I hope you all think about the things and people that make you happy. We are here to support and carry each other through the tough times. Celebrate with a walk or run, with a glass of water (or something a bit more fun), or by drawing a picture, or taking a drive, or singing a song. Because really, its not the food making you happy but the people who are with you. So choose a way, it doesn't matter how, what matters is that you celebrate at all.
7 more days til my consult!
Thanks for sticking with me!
~Mikki
Saturday, May 3, 2014
weekends lead to weak willed moments...
Yikes! I'm only on my 3rd bottle of water today!
I'm not sure why weekends are harder...I do get up later...and have more coffee (something I am NOT looking forward to cutting back on). It might be because I don't talk as much. At work there are always phones to answer and people to help. Keeps me thirsty.
Today was a good day though. We went to our youngest grandchild's ice skating show. It was fun and fabulous to watch. I can't wait until climbing the bleacher is easier to do. And sitting on the bleachers. And walking to the bleachers... well, you get the idea. Oh, minor victory... I didn't eat an ice cream off the ice cream truck outside. :)
My daughter mentioned that the picture and description of the Sleeve kind of grossed her out...but she does have a better understanding of what's involved now. Mission accomplished...the informed part, not the grossed out thing...
We started talking about shopping (which I hate) and I mentioned I don't want to buy any more clothes until I'm losing weight...do you think that is realistic? I might have 6 months before I even have the surgery (please let it be quicker than that!). I think I can make it. I did just buy a couple of summer things to get me through vacation. Who knows, maybe once I've lost the weight I'll like shopping more...but I doubt it. ;)
11 days until my consult. Seems like a long time but I'm sure it will go fast. Had a friend tell me that Dr. Trieu is wonderful. I love hearing that reassurance that this will be a great experience.
My world seems full of numbers... 20 days until vacation, 803 days until retirement, and 82 lbs to lose.
I know its all gonna fly by. :) Have a great weekend everyone.
~Mikki
I'm not sure why weekends are harder...I do get up later...and have more coffee (something I am NOT looking forward to cutting back on). It might be because I don't talk as much. At work there are always phones to answer and people to help. Keeps me thirsty.
Today was a good day though. We went to our youngest grandchild's ice skating show. It was fun and fabulous to watch. I can't wait until climbing the bleacher is easier to do. And sitting on the bleachers. And walking to the bleachers... well, you get the idea. Oh, minor victory... I didn't eat an ice cream off the ice cream truck outside. :)
My daughter mentioned that the picture and description of the Sleeve kind of grossed her out...but she does have a better understanding of what's involved now. Mission accomplished...the informed part, not the grossed out thing...
We started talking about shopping (which I hate) and I mentioned I don't want to buy any more clothes until I'm losing weight...do you think that is realistic? I might have 6 months before I even have the surgery (please let it be quicker than that!). I think I can make it. I did just buy a couple of summer things to get me through vacation. Who knows, maybe once I've lost the weight I'll like shopping more...but I doubt it. ;)
11 days until my consult. Seems like a long time but I'm sure it will go fast. Had a friend tell me that Dr. Trieu is wonderful. I love hearing that reassurance that this will be a great experience.
My world seems full of numbers... 20 days until vacation, 803 days until retirement, and 82 lbs to lose.
I know its all gonna fly by. :) Have a great weekend everyone.
~Mikki
Thursday, May 1, 2014
8 sticks of butter...
Ok, so you want to hear something cool?
I lost two pounds...
without dieting. I'm not even watching what I eat.
Yeah, I know. Two pounds. Big deal, right?
excepts it's two pounds I'm no longer carrying. I put down the the gallon of milk, or ten potatoes, or two hard cover books...or EIGHT sticks of butter!!
Woot! man, does it feel good to put that down :)
I know, I know...it's from the water I've been drinking, but so what?? I'm taking it. now...imagine losing eighty... or
I lost two pounds...
without dieting. I'm not even watching what I eat.
Yeah, I know. Two pounds. Big deal, right?
excepts it's two pounds I'm no longer carrying. I put down the the gallon of milk, or ten potatoes, or two hard cover books...or EIGHT sticks of butter!!
Woot! man, does it feel good to put that down :)
I know, I know...it's from the water I've been drinking, but so what?? I'm taking it. now...imagine losing eighty... or
- 2 four-year-olds
- A large dog
- The World's Largest Ball of Tape (although I read that this record may have been broken and it's now 117 pounds, but I'm going with it)
- Approximately 53 dozen large eggs
- Four tires
- 10-Gallon bottle of water
- A heavy bag for boxing
- Black Rhino Baby...
Geez, no wonder I'm tired!!
Yeah Baby!! That's what I'm talking about!!
Doesn't take much to make me happy, huh?
my husband is excited at the thought of all the money he's gonna save ... and the thought of eating my leftovers... :)
Celebrate your victories people, even the small ones...because they all add up!
Thanks for hanging with me still.
~Mikki
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