"Carry On Wayward Son"

So, I've always heard people talk about emotional eating.  Sure, who doesn't pop chocolate into their mouths when they are under stress?

I guess I never really thought about how Real and True emotion plays into food.  Last night I ate two dinners.  Did I need two? Of course not.  Why did I eat two? Because my husband loves me.

Yes, that's right.  We celebrate everything including our love with food.  Looking at it in the light of writing this blog its seems pretty "yeah, Duh".  When he runs to the store he wants me to know he's thinking of me so he gets me a snack.  Last night was his night off and he had a couple of drinks, so he wanted to cook for me.  He wasn't hungry.  And, I'd already eaten...but as we've previously discussed I am always hungry.  How wonderful and sad is that?

So, I got thinking about it and really, my whole life food has equated love and happiness.  We moved a lot when I was growing up.  My Dad had many different jobs.  Some jobs were great and we lived in really nice places.  Some jobs were not so great and we lived in much more humble places.  But when the money was good...the cupboards were full.  As I grew up and had a family of my own I find I have lived the same way.  You always knew when there was a raise or a bonus (or we won money at the casino) because the fridge and shelves were full.

Not only was there more money, but the "vibe" of the family was happy.  My parents didn't fight with each other.  The kids all had their special treats.  So while I always thought the emotional end of my weight was kind of a minor  issue I realize its actually a pretty major part.  When we talk about family events to this day the first concern is food.  Not "what about munchies?"...it's "what will the major entree be? "

A year or two ago I had a pretty stressful time at work.  I gained 50 lbs. Yes, you read that right.

 I am a very happy person.  Even as FAT plump as I am, I don't have an issue with depression.  Maybe its because food makes me so happy! ;)  Actually I'm just happy.  Food is just the way I celebrate.

So, what does all this mean to my future?
                                   "Masquerading as a man with a reason
                            My charade is the event of the season
                                And if I claim to be a wise man,
                              Well, it surely means that I don't know"

I won't be able to celebrate this way anymore.  I need to find wonderful new ways to enjoy what is clearly a wonderful life.  I'd love to say that it will be with exercise....but realistically, I don't know if I can expect that kind of change in my personality! ;)  But there truly will be differences.  I'm trying to convince my hubby to switch to jewelry...I don't know if he's buying it... heh heh.

The truth is that I am feeling some remorse that there are some things I will probably never eat again.  I am grieving a bit about that.  But! in order to have a new life of energy and health I need to let those things go and know its time to move on.

                                            "On a stormy sea of moving emotion
                               Tossed about, I'm like a ship on the ocean
                                I set a course for winds of fortune,
                                        But I hear the voices say

                                    Carry on my wayward son
                                There'll be peace when you are done
                                    Lay your weary head to rest
                                      Don't you cry no more no more!"

I hope you all think about the things and people that make you happy.  We are here to support and carry each other through the tough times.  Celebrate with a walk or run, with a glass of water (or something a bit more fun), or by drawing a picture, or taking a drive, or singing a song. Because really, its not the food making you happy but the people who are with you. So choose a way, it doesn't matter how, what matters is that you celebrate at all.

7 more days til my consult!

Thanks for sticking with me!
~Mikki